A Toast

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To all who choose the path of matrimony –

I know you want your dreams to come true, have your happiness magnified and gain comfort as a result. Let me be the first to say – hope you’ll be the first to achieve it.

So let me wish you a marriage as tumultuous as a 3 am trot to the bathroom – predictable and uneventful. And may you have a sex life as exciting as being the survivor of slasher movies – adrenaline surging and you come out on top.

Good luck, good love and let’s hope karma is bullshit.

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