Man-ipulation

Redux

I Write Her

Untitled

“Men are every bit as sneaky and calculating and venomous as women are widely suspected to be.”  Lili Loofbourow

“Did I do that? OH! I’m sorry, that was not my intention.”

“Ugh, I suck. Can you forgive me? “

Eyes of innocence before me for the 1000th time.

Him being purposefully confused to purposefully confuse me.
Slick like oil.

An engineered game well-played to my detriment.

I am maneuvered purposefully, skillfully.
Me still loving, trusting and believing.

Directed by his intention I question myself.
My judgment is slipping.

Damn it.

For the last time.

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Love Charade

Redux

I Write Her

Excerpt from “Love Needs To Be Real”

And those who have the most love to give

Will always see through this

Warm beautiful heart that radiates light

Will never be alone on a cold dark night.

Fauxcroft

You don’t see it, or feel it. You don’t get it.

The absence of romance tells you nothing.

No warm embrace, you don’t seem to miss it.

Intimacy barely existent, you don’t show any.

Nothing gnaws at you. Or does it?

I’m growling, screaming. Inside and out.

You’re silent.

I’m indifferent… now.

The love died. It reeks sour.

You, the reason.

But maybe you never had it in you?

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Perfidy

Redux

I Write Her

Untitled

“You presumed to decide what was best for me. Even if I resolve the anger,  the pain you caused, I can’t trust you. Ever. I’m standing before a stranger.”

Raymond Reddington – The Blacklist

Same sentiment, different situation.

The judgment of that line from a script mimics life. My life.

Ever so dramatically, flashing sensations of Oof, suffering, thefeelz surround me.

Waves drowning me, on dry land.

The imagination drawn to retribution, naturally.

But who would it serve?

I’d still be alone.

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Battles

Redux

I Write Her

 Conflict erupts, yet again. Respond or slink away?

If I stay, I face the cacophony of fieriness; I put myself in danger of being wounded.
Leave, and I’m embarrassed that I didn’t defend myself.

It’s a lose/lose scenario.

How do I represent? Why do I care? What do I gain and what is at stake?

All thoughts are firing amidst the chaos playing out in front of me. WHAT DO I DO??

The internal struggle dominates in this external battle, this the more pressing issue.

The voice deep within gets louder. WHAT DO I DO?!?!”

I hesitate, I’m crushed.
I match the tone, I’m angrier.
I fear, I lose.

The indecision is killing me. Thebest of us dies too.

I bloody my world.

I feel red.

It’s the anger at myself, and others who put me into the mode of having to figure it out.

I see…

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Reblog – Betrayal by Jayachandran Ramachandran

An amazing which goes in deep, a piece that feels like what so many things women endure….

Betrayal

She gave her soul
and her whole.

His hungry lust
groped her flesh
bit some pieces
chewed on her.

Much later
hunger satiated
he threw her out.

Her broken soul
a chewed-up
bone piece wails.

*Inspired by a Lagna Ray poem.