Excerpt from “Love Needs To Be Real”
And those who have the most love to give
Will always see through this
Warm beautiful heart that radiates light
Will never be alone on a cold dark night.
You don’t see it, or feel it. You don’t get it.
The absence of romance tells you nothing.
No warm embrace, you don’t seem to miss it.
Intimacy barely existent, you don’t show any.
Nothing gnaws at you. Or does it?
I’m growling, screaming. Inside and out.
I’m indifferent… now.
The love died. It reeks sour.
You, the reason.
But maybe you never had it in you?
“You presumed to decide what was best for me. Even if I resolve the anger, the pain you caused, I can’t trust you. Ever. I’m standing before a stranger.”
Raymond Reddington – The Blacklist
Same sentiment, different situation.
The judgment of that line from a script mimics life. My life.
Ever so dramatically, flashing sensations of Oof, suffering, thefeelz surround me.
Waves drowning me, on dry land.
The imagination drawn to retribution, naturally.
But who would it serve?
I’d still be alone.
If I stay, I face the cacophony of fieriness; I put myself in danger of being wounded.
Leave, and I’m embarrassed that I didn’t defend myself.
It’s a lose/lose scenario.
How do I represent? Why do I care? What do I gain and what is at stake?
All thoughts are firing amidst the chaos playing out in front of me. WHAT DO I DO??
The internal struggle dominates in this external battle, this the more pressing issue.
The voice deep within gets louder. “WHAT DO I DO?!?!”
I hesitate, I’m crushed.
I match the tone, I’m angrier.
I fear, I lose.
The indecision is killing me. Thebest of us dies too.
I bloody my world.
I feel red.
It’s the anger at myself, and others who put me into the mode of having to figure it out.
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Hit delete, reset. Start again tomorrow.
An amazing which goes in deep, a piece that feels like what so many things women endure….
She gave her soul
and her whole.
His hungry lust
groped her flesh
bit some pieces
chewed on her.
he threw her out.
Her broken soul
bone piece wails.
*Inspired by a Lagna Ray poem.
my love for you…
is written on my face
but you can’t seem to read me
emanates with intensity
but you are immune to feeling me
is expressed with every syllable
but you don’t know how to hear me
is right in front of you
but you are unable to see me
i must not be enough
i kept your sins sheltered within
you felt no shame, no guilt
the harm you unleashed on me
new scars, freshly laid, bloody patterns
wounds unhealing inside me always raw
the pain withered me into submission
your burden to bear by chance
my penance for choice of heart
but rage will emerge, so beware
for every injury, insult, and humiliation
there will be justice inflicted severely
bloody eye for my bloodied eye
painful welts you’ll receive from strangers
lawless games played for your ways
brutality and cruelty like i received
i’ll see you caged just like me
you made me what i am