Shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly.
The heartache pounded harshly inward.
Internal distress burnt a tortuous red.
A deep cut surrounded by a million small tears.
The stress widened all the wounds.
Anguish and heartbreak followed.
The future, unending and suffering agony.
Sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival.
This daedal misery mimicked a slow death.
Love left in a upset heap, an untidy disarray of hurt.
This… this from someone who cherished commitment.
The fire in you warms me.
My coolness keeps you from burning to a crisp.
Manage my happiness!
But my needs are subject to your approval.
Navigating your ego is treacherous.
Peace and quiet, no conflict!
There’s no room for mine.
Fifteen minutes lost,
more time wasted with this call.
ARGHHH! How frustrating!
name with rage.
escape my mouth. The high-decibel sound
waves of my hostile screams slam into the
walls. I’m seething,
Remnants of Merlot in my mouth.
I’ve gone dark.
Could be my pants, shirt, socks, underwear or bra, but rest assured, dark will be somewhere on my body. As dark on my skin as dark as my insides.
It will remind me to get back to the emotions that were lost and fragmented. The good ones that shattered, and then scattered everywhere; becoming thin and almost non-existent. Seems odd, doesn’t it? To select gloom to inspire me after it tore me apart first. It’s my visual sticky note of what I let happen to me. It’s what I must do in order to go on. Otherwise, I don’t think I would.
Every emotion that came at me… shook me… HARD.
I’m scared being left with the impression of nothing being good, ever again.
“See the light in others, and treat them as that is all you see.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer
That’s hard when evil-like enters your world. Goodness evaporates around them. And they’ve infected your life, damaged it with their intrusion. Hard to turn away when it directly affects you. Difficult to recover from a gut punch to take a deep breath, to know what to do next.
But I must. We must.
I’m in mourning for the events that unfolded. My darkness is showing. I will view this as a rebuttal, and strength. Preparation for a fight.
I don’t think I will be kind.
It feels that way when I’ve been defeated. I’m angry, even furious.
But I will rise up from the darkness. We will.
“Men are every bit as sneaky and calculating and venomous as women are widely suspected to be.” Lili Loofbourow
“Did I do that? OH! I’m sorry, that was not my intention.”
“Ugh, I suck. Can you forgive me? “
Eyes of innocence before me for the 1000th time.
Him being purposefully confused to purposefully confuse me.
Slick like oil.
An engineered game well-played to my detriment.
I am maneuvered purposefully, skillfully.
Me still loving, trusting and believing.
Directed by his intention I question myself.
My judgment is slipping.
For the last time.
“It’s the only way I know how to love someone. If I bring a smile to someone’s face, I feel like I have shown them I love them. So, yes, I look to make her happy. Her happiness means the world to me.” And the therapist asked a question I could not answer then, “At what cost to you…?”
Acquiescent Soul Blog
Giving that doesn’t take into account a woman’s desires, isn’t shared happiness.
It’s an obligation on her part to say thank you for a kindness without thought.
Each act showing a deliberate lack of understanding her soul.
Recognize retribution for your ignorance will cost you the relationship.
And it’s not her fault.
But there you’ll go, blaming her and all woman-kind.
My guard is up.
Feeling dark emotions now
because of your acts.