Painful Confusion

Redux

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shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly
the heartache pounded harshly inward
internal distress burnt a tortuous red
a deep cut surrounded by a million small tears
the stress widened all the wounds
anguish and heartbreak followed
the future, unending and suffering agony
sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival
this daedal misery mimicked a slow death
love left in an upset heap
an untidy disarray of hurt
this…
this from someone who cherished commitment

Hopelessness

Redux

in the clutches of this mental sinkhole
forced effort my only ally
my day is silent
with only slow tears and exhaustion
the bed, my refuge
the external world feels so far removed
from inside my womb of despair
dark, alone, and unwell
i need to stop sinking
or eventually, i will float

Beautiful Ugly

Redux

Originally published on I Write Her 5/24/18, presented here with revisions.

i’m simultaneously surrounded
by the good i enjoy
and all that i despise
life is a constant shifting of emotions
to achieve balance between distaste and harmony
looking for homeostasis
i hope i manage it
it gets difficult some days
at times, yin yang forces me
beyond my capabilities of juggling
then i struggle to keep both sides
from crashing into me
help!

Carotid Wine

Redux

She’d had enough.

His end was near, didn’t know it though. He was clueless.

Her knuckles tightened around the elegantly shaped wine glass. Instinct and rage fueled the glass crashing into the side of the table. Only one crescent-shaped shard fell away.

It was the perfect edge to damage a pulsing artery.

She gracefully, furiously, lunged for the side of his throat. His vital organ cut wide-open. A rhythmic stream began pumping out, gushing blood down and out over his body. With stunned horror, he gripped his throat to stop the bleeding.

She watched, fascinated, as he was dying.

Life Is Deaf

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 12/31/16, reposted with minor revisions 

Crying out in an I Don’t Care World.
The answer is silence. Crickets…

It doesn’t pay attention; life continues.

Understand that. Know it.
Try not to feel hurt by it.
Keep moving… one foot in front of the other.

Strength can come again. Just let it.
Don’t let the indifference of life determine if you’ll accept it.

Keep speaking despite the obvious disability of existence.
The beauty comes when you hear the truth you need.

In reality, life is not the teacher.
But you must be a willing student.

Deviant Bent

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 8/18/15 Accepted for the Smitten Anthology 10/18

Deviant Art

I don’t know what you like.
You don’t know what I like.

The head thinks it’s normal,
society thinks it’s wrong.
What you prefer feels delicious to you,
but exposing it is dangerous.

The Internet says it’s ok.
My friends say it’s ok.
I feel like it’s ok… privately.
But the judgment is real.

What’s right and what’s wrong?
Your inner circle doesn’t care.
Absorbed in your version of the unnatural,
it feels good.

But the outer structure is in control,
and pleasures stay hidden.
So back to reality now,
back to bland.

We’ll keep hiding in our world of normal.

Well, some of us.

Life Well Spent

Redux
Originally published 5/11/2018 on I Write Her. Posted here with revisions.

at the end of the day
i want to be exhausted
by the best life can offer me
not the worst it will throw my way

aiming for maximum pleasure
while diligently eliminating extended frustration
it’s a daily goal
one i will gladly work hard at achieving