Hang Up The Belt, Please

images
WikiMedia

Spanking children is wrong. Using force and inflicting pain to make a child understand something, no matter how it’s justified, is just abhorrent to me.

I can’t say that was always how I thought about the subject. But I’m glad my opinion has evolved, and I would never consider doing it again.

The idea that hurting a child intentionally, a miniature human you supposedly love, is the way to make them understand some lesson; well, it’s just stupid really. I feel that all it really teaches a child is that the people they love are capable of causing them pain. Might it deter a child from bad behavior? It’s entirely possible. But in my estimation and in published studies, it can also create a whole host of adjustment issues which appear later on down the line in the child’s life.

Add to any future emotional repercussions a child may have as an adult, the spanked child learns to repeat what was done to them in their childhood with the next generation. They will perpetuate the practice because they think it was normal. In reality, though, our society does not condone physical assault by adults on other adults. It’s simply not acceptable in our society. We actually put people in jail for that. But yet, spanking is a tradition which still remains to date. It makes no sense.

So maybe instead of just hitting our children into fearing their parent(s) and/or creating future spankers, let’s do things which would encourage the growth and development of a mature individual. That seems like a reasonable solution. Much better than a violent one.

Webster’s Rules

56487438_10156168030391592_6917295673477955584_n
Thanks РDavid Fitzgerald 

How ironic to receive this meme from a friend today! I’m chuckling still. ūüôā

What needs to be said is that words have a specific meaning. This is why we have dictionaries. They remind us how to use words in their correct context. Does and can the definition of a word change over time? Of course. But if we are using a current definition of something then this is what informs us about the content while reading or guiding us, does it not?

Otherwise, isn’t deviating from the definition of a word to satisfy one’s own interpretation simply just making up something entirely new but still wanting to call it the same thing? It’s illogical, IMO, if we already have an established norm for sharing information.

Thoughts welcomed!

Leaving The Wild Behind

dsdddd

Our DNA tells us we come from a past of leaning into our impulses. Where combats and aggression were a part of the natural order. It is an instinct to survive. We were animals; we still are. It’s how humans are classified – Kingdom – Animalia, Genus – Homo, Species – H. sapiens.

But we aren’t animalistic anymore. Or are we? How often have we run into people who treat others with a¬†“You get what you get, deal with it?”¬†, “Fight or die” or “Fuck you, I got mine?”¬†operating mentality? Having evolved is the reason we seem to have a conscience and a brain. Doesn’t that mean we should treat each other better? I want to believe that the majority on this planet don’t give into their base animal instincts and behave reasonably acceptable in our society. But then I watch the news or review social media. It’s not pretty. And then I think about my behavior. How do I react to people and certain circumstances? I’d like to think I’m not stuck in that gear of just instinct. But if I’m honest, I have to say I do sometimes respond with some of that piss and vinegar.

When I reflect on who I want to be, my wish is to emulate and radiate loving, nurturing behavior all the time. But being the descendant of a long line of beings running on basic instinct means that I realize that it takes effort and a desire to feel opposite of my nature. Sometimes the motivation isn’t there. Especially not in the face of belligerence. My capacity for understanding tells me my initial reaction might be¬†to behave like an animal but also that I can make a conscious decision to not give in to that instinct. It does, however, require a commitment on my part every time my instinctual reaction rears its ugly head. We may be animals, still, but being in possession of a brain which has progressed and is armed with a conscience, it should not predispose me to act animalistic. We are capable of rising above our natural tendencies. And we understand that. But we have to want to be more than what our past dictates.

You can only change what you know, right?

All Encompassing

Untitleddsfdfsfdfdsffdsdsfdfs
HK Photo Company – Unsplash

I recently read that the definition of love is liking, respecting and appreciating the authentic being of another. Aiding that person with cooperation during their life journey is another practice of loving someone. That sure sounds nice. But something that, on the surface, seems a little lacking when you think of how someone traditionally describes love. But let’s go with that for now.

Real friendships not only mean there are intense and deep feelings of like, respect and appreciation for each other but having real friends also means you enjoy that additional “I’ve got your back no matter what” mentality with them. Add to that, there is a level of honesty within that connection that occurs which you won’t find in connections more appropriately deemed acquaintances. Life would be harder for us if we didn’t have at least one of these kinds of friendship.

Intentional sexual connections can happen in isolated incidents, with fuck buddies or full-on committed relationships. Having these types of encounters are not only beneficial to us, but they are also enjoyable as well. Keep in mind, having any sexual encounter requires us to dictate what brings us pleasure in order for them to be satisfactory.

I’ve watched people talk about soulmates and “loving like I’ve never loved before”¬†only to see it fizzle out fairly quickly. So were they either not in love, not friends or was it not understood that sex is fleeting and that in long term relationships without a committed effort, sex could become boring not understood to begin with? Of course, each relationship which comes to an end has many varied reasons for the demise but shouldn’t ones that we expect to be everlasting to have the qualities of¬†love, real friendship, and sex?

And if we don’t have all these components as I mentioned above, why are we surprised that the relationships lacking one or more of them are possibly not as fulfilling as we’d like them to be?

I welcome your thoughts!

 

Out Of Sorts

Untitled

Fred Mouniguet

Sometimes life is like trying to sleep when you are having a restless night. 

You just can’t get comfortable. Feels like you’ve moved in a million directions and either you can’t get back to what felt like the perfect spot or there just isn’t one anymore. And you’re tired of more of the same.

It leaves you feeling like you need a new bed.

The Art Of Being Self-Absorbed

Image result for narcissist

I was once called a narcissist. Unbelievable coming from a 30+ years old friend. 

I do understand what a narcissist is now, as I lived with one for 18 years. It happened to be my mother. I also know that I have been influenced by her behavior which in turn could lead me to mimic it at times. Understanding who she was and the impressions she left, forced me to look at myself diligently. There are many articles and so much information about this personality type. All of which I feel the need to read, to this day. Fear of becoming her is the biggest motivator. I’m ensuring I do not ever become the worst of who my mother was.

Bottom line, that ex-friend was full of shit. She was deflecting because, in reality, the narcissist in our relationship was her. I had basically traded one unhealthy relationship for another. A knee-jerk reaction, just reaching out for what was familiar. And it took me forever to figure that out.

Knowing what a narcissist is now has helped me understand why I have allowed so many others over the years with the same tendencies to become friends with me. They enmeshed themselves in my life so effortlessly only to watch as they abruptly and harshly disappointed me. They left some deep marks.

All have been hard lessons.

Needless to say, I work hard now at not repeating history.

The Battle

Untitled

Hate. It’s insidious. Globally it’s been creeping back into our societies. We need to counter it in ways which protect and further goodness rather than reduce us in being the people who are the enemy.

But what does that look like?

Honestly, I don’t even know. I just feel that I’m not ready for the battle.

I imagine so many are feeling the same way. That is what might be the biggest problem facing us today. How do we get over feeling defeated and run-over? I wish that would change. But I don’t know if it can.

I’m left agonizing over what to do next. You too?

Inspired by Go Dog Go Cafe РTuesday Writing Prompt Challenge 10/30/18