Let Me Near

Untitled

Getting off the train in Chicago,
the strong wind,
urgent like me.
Each waft carrying my steps
in the direction of home. It’s as if
nature knew it was time for us. I’m so ready
to capture what sustains me. I’ve missed you,
your silhouette, and your substance.
Being close to you is a memory I pull from.
It keeps me sane while I’m away. This couple
defining what a day needs is everything to me.
Longing to share of myself, my legs
hasten their pace. I want to be
wrapped in the space we create.
I’ve missed your light touch
caressing my face, and
the sweetness of your kisses
has haunted me for weeks.
The questions of workdays take
a backseat while we rediscover
the single-best thing of the us we are.
The focus in your gaze tells me I
was right to hurry. It keeps me coming back,
again and again.

Wish List

Untitled

As we’re growing up, we continually shape and define what’s important to us. For me, this was always an easy task as I continually challenged and questioned the world around me. Consistently prioritizing and seeking fairness may be what gave me a strong drive for justice.

I recently came across something I’d written a long time ago. I may have been in my thirties at the time. Not quite sure what prompted the thoughts initially. Even though written over twenty years ago, the original statements remain the same. These are the relatively few things I think I need to stay a calm individual with others. To stay sane, well, that’s another story for another day.

My wishlist:

  • DO what you say. It speaks volumes of you as a person that I can depend on you.
  • Smile when I smile at you. It does us both good. When you are having a bad day, know that my smiles mean I care about you, and it’s meant to lift you.
  • Don’t be a liar – about ANYTHING! I appreciate honesty, above all else. If you are honest, we will always find a way through together.
  • Recognize that every individual on this planet is a human being, including yourself and deserves respect just for that fact alone, regardless of their race, religion, color, gender, sexual preference, political beliefs, or the country where they originated. Maybe then we could look forward to some of that World Peace that beauty contestants speak of during the interview segment.
  • If you can help someone when they need it – DO IT! Giving to someone in his or her hour of defeat is the best gift you can give, every time.
  • Read, learn, listen. Take every opportunity to educate yourself about your world. You are a human being who lives on this planet and in this society. Your understanding of how it works and runs contributes to it running better, for all of us.
  • Please make choices in your life that benefit you, not hurt you. ALL of us deserve a good experience on this earth. I care about you.
  • If you make a mistake or have done something wrong that causes hurt – big or small – take ownership of it, feel genuine remorse and say “I’m Sorry” like you’ll never do it again. Forgiveness feels right for both of us.

Looking at these bullet points now, it feels appropriate to expect these things of others for my well-being. But when I look at my relationships, in general, it seems to challenge people to give these most basic elements. I don’t understand why we wouldn’t want to create harmony over distress.

Then I look at it from the flip-side – am I one hundred percent doing these things for other individuals? And I have to say, no honestly. There are a couple of statements on this list that I’ve periodically had a hard time doing. I’ll leave it to you to decide where you think I’ve fallen. I will say that when I stumble, it’s because of this human ego.

All I ask is that people do their best and maybe remember to keep their ego in check. And I’ll match their efforts. At this stage in my life, I’m more determined than ever to be that person I expect others to be. Something I would never have conceived of doing in my youth.

Here’s to maturity!

Love’s Futility

Knowing you by peekabooitsjeru

Knowing you, hurt me.
Knowing you, brought pain.
Knowing you, felt great at once.
Knowing you, made me happy.

But in the end,
Knowing you, drove me insane.

Please set me free by hecblogger

I don’t love you anymore
my dear, please set me free
please move on, I implore
I don’t love you anymore
whatever it was, is no more
this dead love let’s bury
I don’t love you anymore
my dear, please set me free

 

I found these sentiments on July 12, 2019, by two separate people about the almost identical concept. It’s one many of us who inhabit this earth has faced at one time or another. I’ve sat with both pieces for about two months now and this is the conclusion I’ve reached…

 

I will add that it only applies to some loves. 🙂

I Lose, I Triumph

Untitled

i was worthy
of a better, happier life
than you deemed
i was going to live

every time
my name
comes up
i hope
you choke on it
with irritation

that’s what you deserve
a lifelong
aversion
to the utterance
of what once
so effortlessly
came across your lips

i hope
it makes
your body
fill with pins and needles
whose friction
tears you up
on the inside

you
the creator
of your destruction

i walk away
comfortably
knowing
you’ll bleed
from the inside

i
am better
without you

**Originally published in Feeling Human Dec 2017. Presented here with revisions.

Face Wide Open

13654121_985654981553960_108961973390728131_n1
SayingImages.com

My being is expressive.

It’s not complicated, just hardly understood.

Listen with your eyes as I ripple towards you.

I love, it’s a smile.

There’s anger, it’s a scowl.

Shiny eyes, I’m laughing with you.

Tears falling, there’s devastation occurring.

Reaching for you, I need your touch.

Not making eye contact, you’ve lost me.

If the last thing you see is my back, I’m gone.

Forever…

 

**Originally published 1/10/18

Slow Burn

Untitled
Nipic.com

it starts as if a fantasy
every box checked
he’s perfect
don’t you know

slowly…
deliberately…

it becomes a trap
from which you
can’t escape
easily

you become disabled
in the head
so you’ll stay
out of need

still thinking it’s love
but knowing something’s off
the courage and independence
fighting to be recognized

that’s not love
it’s a cage

mistook nice
as being invested
mistook attentive
for genuine care

but the details of todays
are boring
the atmosphere thick
with silence

the possibilities become a dead end