this was all a test
where was the love and sweetness
oh my, how you failed
Originally published 8/9/2018 on I Write Her, presented with slight revisions.
Shattered
Tag: first love
Next
Redux
And in that moment of forced togetherness
I felt like the boy eating off the filth of a paper city
I realised I’m forcing the same trash through my heart
In craving to be someone’s priorityVasvi Gupta – excerpt from Reversed Smiles
Find the specific details on why you loved this person, and it’s okay to find yourself still loving this person, but you have to see that these qualities do exist with a person who’s waiting for you, who’s even willing to give you more.
Let go of the fantasy. Loss is a good place to love yourself more and work on forgiving yourself more.
Baby, don’t think that the time you spent with that person was lost for it has prepared you for this very moment, our conversation here.
Heartache may lead to the suicide of the mind but never of the soul.
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Taking Back My Respect
my self-love rising
a decline in affection
i turn to the door
Hot Again, Not Again
love hot
then awry
smooth and gellin
then rage and yellin
deep expressions of amore
trampled hurt feelings are telling
of the up, down, left, right, inside and out
this relationship changes at a fever pitch from good to bad and back
let me get off this ride
Cold
you threw the first rock
the force of it landed
the pain came in slivers
you broke open
love’s shelter
it’s no longer safe here
our warmth escaped
cold steeliness seeped in
my blood curdled icy
Vacant Heart
Maybe
Pixabay.com
The gift of time, effort, and quality is love.
Intimate sincerity landing softly in the heart.
I’m not receiving what you think you’re giving.
Maybe you don’t understand what love is?
Maybe I don’t know how to receive it?
Maybe I expect too much?
Maybe you don’t give enough?
Maybe I was wrong?
Shattered
pixabay.com
This was all a test.
Where was the love and sweetness?
Oh my, how you failed.
Next
And in that moment of forced togetherness
I felt like the boy eating off the filth of a paper city
I realised I’m forcing the same trash through my heart
In craving to be someone’s priorityVasvi Gupta – excerpt from Reversed Smiles
Find the specific details on why you loved this person, and it’s okay to find yourself still loving this person, but you have to see that these qualities do exist with a person who’s waiting for you, who’s even willing to give you more.
Let go of the fantasy. Loss is a good place to love yourself more and work on forgiving yourself more.
Baby, don’t think that the time you spent with that person was lost for it has prepared you for this very moment, our conversation here.
Heartache may lead to the suicide of the mind but never of the soul.
We’re not special, not like before.
I don’t fucking like you anymore.
Was before even all that? Was it even real?
You catapulted your heart and adoration away to another.
I transport back to emotions I was forced to leave behind. Aching for them.
Support is not commitment when your lover suffers subtle degrees of rejection.
Your focus was where it shouldn’t have been.
Layers of my strength came undone with your carelessness.
I was livid. I was lost.
I am lost, and still here.
Now what?
Cloud Hurt
I’ve been on #9.
It was amazing. For awhile.
Was too young to know it might end badly.
Fooled by the soft and comfortable.
Got pushed off. Hard.
Too stupid on how to deal.
Fuck Cloud 9.
The landing was excruciating.
I Write Her 