i always believe the truth
in the wrong moments
mentally giving credit
where it isn’t due
pre-applauding greatness
only to have it yield mediocrity
a momentary gain of security
a lifetime of confusion
hanging on by a thread

Originally published September 20, 2018 on I Write Her. Reposted with revisions.


Inspired by 12 words generated by RandomWordGenerator.com

Today had been a strain; my red eyes ached as I was jostled about in the taxi. Fear erupted in my body like a sudden loud noise. 

My thoughts would not stop returning to the trial. They just had to acquit my husband. I didn’t question his innocence, although it made many friends hesitate to support him. How different everyone became towards us. But I didn’t owe them anything. They’ll see. 

Finding someone to translate in the foreign prison was hard, but also for my baby to adjust to this current reality. He walked on eggshells, not to offend anyone.


your proclamations were lies
billowing constant torments to my psyche
you could have used a medical diagnosis
i needed medical intervention well into my adulthood

soothing came with age
the abatement of self-destruction
long in coming

self-worth returned
self-love administered

wholeness flourished

Reblogs – Candice Louisa Daquin

One thing you can be assured of, Candice will give you intensity in every read. Enjoy!



I have abused you

when the day seemed eternal and the night longer

I threw myself into the ether and struck the match


I have loathed you

picking apart the various seams with the ingratitude of the well

complaining a luxury


I have shunned you

railed, swore, sucked in, brutalized with curses, prematurely ageing

the right for skin to breathe without shame


I have denied you

pleasure and equality, I wrote the rule book and it

held no regard for your right to be beautiful as you were

I said instead

you were thick trunked, imperfect,

unwanted, freckled, pallid, flabby, old

yogurt nobody wanted to eat when pancakes were at the table

I spent many years envying and giving away

years like dance cards


now you wear down, tired of my eternal scorn

you talk in collapses

here take that says sciatica

you think you can shun me? Says paining stomach

you can’t outrun your design, hisses genitals

we will drop you in it, whispers loosening skin

see if you live well then, without us, cries bone

remember the ten year old who has hidden

behind the folds tucked away

remember when you just ran out

dressed silly and not caring a jot

and the world was kind to you because you were a child

they didn’t point at your flaws

but gave you ice cream on the beach front

did you hate me then?

When did you learn to use dislike as a language?

Did it make you happy to?

Did you forget how to just be?

Who taught you to loathe so thoroughly?

Is hate the legacy you want to excel in?

And my hand holding the quill piercing skin.


forgive me

even as it’s almost too late

and you bear the scars of my dismissal

my unkindness, my neglect, my fury

forgive me the error of not appreciating

you held me up

all these damn long years

more gracefully than I ever had

a right to

Sentences aren’t only written on paper

What do you resort to?

If you’re eaten inside out
And the garters of your guts pinch hollow cheeks

What do you resort to?

Listening to time perishing the rubber life raft keeping you afloat

Holes the size of mouths . Holes the size of mouths

A day is exhaustion
The gluttony of energy

Fragile in her deluge

She gives and takes like unstable drug
You watch the faces of those who should care
Because they’ve worked with you for years
Because they share your blood, your bed, your humanity

Still you matter no more than
A stranger ordering tea will matter
The drink cooling in frigid hunger
For the next minute, the next chance

O to be seen without unkindness

You live in the cavitied mouth of people waiting for thrills
Cheap tricks
Expensive mistakes
Just excite me
Please, now, yes, harder

Be different, be worshipful, be erasable or fashionable

and if you can’t please us voraciously

If you’re just you, well then …

You, don’t thrill us one bit, you remind us

Of all the things we don’t like about ourselves

The wan face

The unbuttoned exhaustion

The pockets filled with stones readied for a-sinking

There’s nothing fucking new about you

We turn our eyes away, as we would

Our own reflection, a dog minding not the sharp

Whip of indifference

If you stand in the doorway like you did as a child
Waiting for tenderness
You’ll die standing there
As an old adult with sunken features
Trying to hack it in a cut throats world

Are you fucking kidding?

Even your mother doesn’t like you
What the fuck do you expect
Hear the guitar, it sings your dirge

It is a horse and the night is a filigree tambourine

And you are a colander without holes
Whole without leaking
A spinning void unable to give birth

Counting your tarnish with slippery fists

You stand in hallways, wait for time to arch backward
Where you might be able somehow
Undo those wrong knots
Find the way you stop dying as you live
Feel whole without bones
The carpet of your skin a loose mask
That despite itself

Keeps slipping slipping slipping


My yearning for his heat gave me an intense icy chill deep inside my body. We went way past the point of no return; it made me almost misty-eyed, enveloped by his desire. His arms surrounded me, my legs shaking, and my head spinning, upset yet hungry for all the emotions. I felt my body lean into him, desiring him increasingly, wanting to be submissive and parched from his love. My face flushed hot and red from the passion. I felt faint from what I knew was a breaking point coming, but I only wanted it to last forever, unending