Ending By Design

feels like it’s over
done it all
seen it all
had it all

there’s nothing
to look forward to
the future
on repeat

living
is struggling
death
is release

think I’ll go now


The inspiration for this piece came by way of Peace at Noon – Fabrice B. Poussing

I Won’t Tell You “I Told You So”

*deep sorrowful sigh

I’m sorry. So, so sorry. 

I didn’t succeed in saving you from your fate.

You’re broken now. The trust is gone, and so are your reserves. Your faith in love is shattered. It seems utterly unbelievable to have made it to this place of darkness. But you’re here now… and I’m hurting with you, dearest.

Oh pain, please just go away! Leave him alone. The agony is too much for tender shoulders to bear. Ease up… I beg you.

You’ll get through this, people say. It doesn’t feel like that when you’re in the thick of it though. But know this… I’m here till the tears stop rolling, the deep ache subsides and the reality of moving on alone becomes easier to accept. Whatever you need, love… I promise.

I’m here for you. Always.

*Originally published on PhiloSusi 4/17/16

The Way To Love

Love soothes, but only with genuine empathy. 
Don’t remove the struggle from my control. 
Let me gain the knowledge I need to grow. 
Be by my side, watch me heal. 
See the places where it takes me.

Love doesn’t fix things. It just eases the conflict. 
Don’t be the answer to my problems, my wannabe protector. 
Be my companion on my own personal journey. 
Enjoy my company, enhance my experience, 
and inspire me by the path you take.

Love doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It needs you and me, together. 
Free from distrust, anxiety, worry, anger, and shame. 
It’s a warm place, filled with comfort and ease. 
It’s a space where wholeness resides. 
 Our happy place created together.  

Love feels easy, but people are hard. They’re complicated and stupid. 
Don’t sabotage a good thing, intentionally or unintentionally. 
Remember I’m who you love; you know why you do. 
Fill any distance with kindness and care. 
Especially those times when you’re sad.

Love always wants more quality-rich lingering moments of sweetness. 
Any effort on your part to provide them is cherished. 
Your reward is acquiescence to almost anything. 
Comfort and pleasure is our prize. 
Don’t hold back. Give me what I crave.

Love is required. And love is needed.                         

Betrayal

Your actions made me feel like I wasn’t special to you.

You claimed…
     I was important to you. Did you show it?
     I was a good friend. But not enough for you.
     You loved me unconditionally, but I was too much to take.
     I was unique and different, but I was too combative.
     I was such a role model, but indeed too honest for you.
     It’s good that I’m honest. But I just wasn’t sensitive to others.

I was just me.
And you didn’t know how to take me.

Then I doubted myself because of you.
I shouldn’t have.

Our connection ceased to exist because of your selfishness and your ego.

A war of two individuals with no victory for you or me.
You gave up while I was actually still fighting for us. 

Then I let you go…. willingly.
Self-preservation was required.
I realized that all you would do is continue to injure me.

Just know…

I am important. 
      I have value. 
           I am special.   
               And you will never fuck me over again.

Land Of Plenty


thankful for the serene moments

a gentle perspective prevails

a wholesome gratitude unfolds

giving way to peace 

and harmony with nature

a feeling of having more than one needs

an abundance of security and ease

every breath taken is enough

my mind is clear

and my soul is content