almost too afraid
to see what the reality is
cutting myself off
to existence
stopping the spread
saving my fellow man
feeling like a hero
hearing of others dying
melancholy interjected with pride
the new reality
is a confusing dichotomy
where do we go from here
self-medicating
holding on by a thread
staying the course
level-headedness
whilst feeling adrift
a unique sign of the times
who knew 2020 would be about a microscopic entity and not the cheeto?
consciousness
slowly erases the night
this new day
as all the others
remains the same
an abysmal state
rises with her
the sun does its best
yet light barely penetrates
the thoughts filled
with heaviness
too much for her to bear
she closes her eyes again
easily
sleep, the buffer
of the damned
the temporary fix
of the tortured
the escape
a necessary evil
for existence
this cycle repeats
until the body
and her mind
releases her
from this dark captivity
she hopes for it
needing relief to be sooner
rather than later
Inspired by Sammiscribbles Weekend Writing Prompt 2-22-20 #145
the anger
is palpable
holding back
a muffled urge
steeliness
at the back
of the throat
thin, silent trickles escape
the emotions
get denser
and the dam
must open
to release
every gallon
of sadness
and rage
please, just fucking hold me until I stop crying
when the world
fucks with you
again
and
it hurts
these stars
of the world
will hold your pain
in their hearts
searing their love
into you
use their invisible shield
to safeguard themselves
from your anger
feed you
clothe you
soothe the aches
inflicted by circumstance
get wet shoulders
hug you
and
stay
when you
haven’t showered in a week
What the world needs is more of these people.
waking to a cloud
the depression strikes again
remaining in bed
every drop hits
like the punishment
i give myself
a daily deluge
of the extreme
harsh feels
precise pounding
drummed over
and over in my head
just like rain
the erosion
inevitable
the soul capsizes
the determination
wanes
the downpour
doesn’t stop
but living does
my refuge
staying sane here
away from the world
which exasperates me
trapped in my ancient fear
these four walls
are the barrier
between sanity and insanity
humanity
gives me anxiety
shuffles my thoughts
doubts cloud my brain
… when can i trust the outside world again?
loving heart still beats
but the destroyed mind wants death
yet, there’s still some hope
Darkness descends,
and crushing loneliness
becomes my cage.
Fine is just perfect…
fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional.
The future,
just a feeling
put on hold.
Nothing will ever
turn out finer…
Fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional but
recovered.
The biology demons
are strong.
Hope becomes
an illusion,
a sinister lie.
One entrenched deep
in every nook
of me with every
slide black.
It’s happiness
not easily found.
This
my undeniable
state.
Trapped in my head,
a life controlled
not by me,
watching this
play out indiscriminately.
Controlling very little,
only breaking down.
Further
and faster
to my end.
The cost of living is expensive.
**This is not my current state. Don’t worry.
shit just got real
life fucking hurts
emotions pour in
tumble out to empty me
an audience of one drama
spectators get the cliff notes
all thoughts on repeat to the nth degree
pain drags like spikes in my grey matter
good memories hurt
good feelings replaced with pain
every nerve lit
but deadened
i need time, meds, answers
and rest
i need life not to suck so much
