Taking My Temperature

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almost too afraid
to see what the reality is
cutting myself off
to existence
stopping the spread
saving my fellow man

feeling like a hero
hearing of others dying
melancholy interjected with pride
the new reality
is a confusing dichotomy
where do we go from here

self-medicating
holding on by a thread
staying the course
level-headedness
whilst feeling adrift
a unique sign of the times

who knew 2020 would be about a microscopic entity and not the cheeto?

93 Words On Depression

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consciousness
slowly erases the night
this new day
as all the others
remains the same
an abysmal state
rises with her

the sun does its best
yet light barely penetrates
the thoughts filled
with heaviness
too much for her to bear
she closes her eyes again
easily

sleep, the buffer
of the damned
the temporary fix
of the tortured
the escape
a necessary evil
for existence

this cycle repeats
until the body
and her mind
releases her
from this dark captivity
she hopes for it
needing relief to be sooner
rather than later

Inspired by Sammiscribbles Weekend Writing Prompt 2-22-20 #145

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Real Fam

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when the world
fucks with you
again
and
it hurts
these stars
of the world
will hold your pain
in their hearts
searing their love
into you
use their invisible shield
to safeguard themselves
from your anger
feed you
clothe you
soothe the aches
inflicted by circumstance
get wet shoulders
hug you
and
stay
when you
haven’t showered in a week

What the world needs is more of these people.

Sanctuary?

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Inspired by Go Dog Go Cafe
Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge 10/1/19 – Trapped in my ancient fear

my refuge
staying sane here
away from the world
which exasperates me

trapped in my ancient fear
these four walls
are the barrier
between sanity and insanity

humanity
gives me anxiety
shuffles my thoughts
doubts cloud my brain

… when can i trust the outside world again?

Reaching Bottom

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Darkness descends,
and crushing loneliness
becomes my cage.

Fine is just perfect…
fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional.

The future,
just a feeling
put on hold.
Nothing will ever
turn out finer…

Fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional but
recovered.

The biology demons
are strong.
Hope becomes
an illusion,
a sinister lie.
One entrenched deep
in every nook
of me with every
slide black.

It’s happiness
not easily found.
This
my undeniable
state.
Trapped in my head,
a life controlled
not by me,
watching this
play out indiscriminately.
Controlling very little,
only breaking down.
Further
and faster
to my end.

The cost of living is expensive.

 

**This is not my current state. Don’t worry.

Braincase Blues

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shit just got real
life fucking hurts

emotions pour in
tumble out to empty me

an audience of one drama
spectators get the cliff notes

all thoughts on repeat to the nth degree
pain drags like spikes in my grey matter

good memories hurt
good feelings replaced with pain

every nerve lit
but deadened

i need time, meds, answers
and rest

i need life not to suck so much