Real Fam

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when the world
fucks with you
again
and
it hurts
these stars
of the world
will hold your pain
in their hearts
searing their love
into you
use their invisible shield
to safeguard themselves
from your anger
feed you
clothe you
soothe the aches
inflicted by circumstance
get wet shoulders
hug you
and
stay
when you
haven’t showered in a week

What the world needs is more of these people.

Sanctuary?

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Inspired by Go Dog Go Cafe
Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge 10/1/19 – Trapped in my ancient fear

my refuge
staying sane here
away from the world
which exasperates me

trapped in my ancient fear
these four walls
are the barrier
between sanity and insanity

humanity
gives me anxiety
shuffles my thoughts
doubts cloud my brain

… when can i trust the outside world again?

Reaching Bottom

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Darkness descends,
and crushing loneliness
becomes my cage.

Fine is just perfect…
fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional.

The future,
just a feeling
put on hold.
Nothing will ever
turn out finer…

Fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional but
recovered.

The biology demons
are strong.
Hope becomes
an illusion,
a sinister lie.
One entrenched deep
in every nook
of me with every
slide black.

It’s happiness
not easily found.
This
my undeniable
state.
Trapped in my head,
a life controlled
not by me,
watching this
play out indiscriminately.
Controlling very little,
only breaking down.
Further
and faster
to my end.

The cost of living is expensive.

 

**This is not my current state. Don’t worry.

Braincase Blues

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shit just got real
life fucking hurts

emotions pour in
tumble out to empty me

an audience of one drama
spectators get the cliff notes

all thoughts on repeat to the nth degree
pain drags like spikes in my grey matter

good memories hurt
good feelings replaced with pain

every nerve lit
but deadened

i need time, meds, answers
and rest

i need life not to suck so much

Getting Centered

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when anxiety
diligently tries
to undermine
my efforts to live

i go inward
scared, asking questions
insulating in a bubble
surrounding my pain

it’s a lonely conflict
ravaging my body
me damaging me
tearing up my psyche

then i write

poetry
my conduit
to understanding
myself and life