Reaching Bottom

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Darkness descends,
and crushing loneliness
becomes my cage.

Fine is just perfect…
fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional.

The future,
just a feeling
put on hold.
Nothing will ever
turn out finer…

Fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional but
recovered.

The biology demons
are strong.
Hope becomes
an illusion,
a sinister lie.
One entrenched deep
in every nook
of me with every
slide black.

It’s happiness
not easily found.
This
my undeniable
state.
Trapped in my head,
a life controlled
not by me,
watching this
play out indiscriminately.
Controlling very little,
only breaking down.
Further
and faster
to my end.

The cost of living is expensive.

 

**This is not my current state. Don’t worry.

Braincase Blues

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shit just got real
life fucking hurts

emotions pour in
tumble out to empty me

an audience of one drama
spectators get the cliff notes

all thoughts on repeat to the nth degree
pain drags like spikes in my grey matter

good memories hurt
good feelings replaced with pain

every nerve lit
but deadened

i need time, meds, answers
and rest

i need life not to suck so much

Getting Centered

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when anxiety
diligently tries
to undermine
my efforts to live

i go inward
scared, asking questions
insulating in a bubble
surrounding my pain

it’s a lonely conflict
ravaging my body
me damaging me
tearing up my psyche

then i write

poetry
my conduit
to understanding
myself and life

Fade To Black

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life is waiting
for us to appear
lacking strength
once again

this blanket of doom
intervenes
feeling wrapped up
in 
cold dysfunction

held hostage by fear
it stakes a claim
on our courage
strangles it

eyes can’t face the day
legs won’t move
a body screaming
with electricity

the weight of the world
too much
retreat the only option
back to bed

we grow accustomed to the dark

 

Inspired by Reena’s Exploration Challenge #81