the anger
is palpable
holding back
a muffled urge
steeliness
at the back
of the throat
thin, silent trickles escape
the emotions
get denser
and the dam
must open
to release
every gallon
of sadness
and rage
please, just fucking hold me until I stop crying
when the world
fucks with you
again
and
it hurts
these stars
of the world
will hold your pain
in their hearts
searing their love
into you
use their invisible shield
to safeguard themselves
from your anger
feed you
clothe you
soothe the aches
inflicted by circumstance
get wet shoulders
hug you
and
stay
when you
haven’t showered in a week
What the world needs is more of these people.
waking to a cloud
the depression strikes again
remaining in bed
every drop hits
like the punishment
i give myself
a daily deluge
of the extreme
harsh feels
precise pounding
drummed over
and over in my head
just like rain
the erosion
inevitable
the soul capsizes
the determination
wanes
the downpour
doesn’t stop
but living does
my refuge
staying sane here
away from the world
which exasperates me
trapped in my ancient fear
these four walls
are the barrier
between sanity and insanity
humanity
gives me anxiety
shuffles my thoughts
doubts cloud my brain
… when can i trust the outside world again?
loving heart still beats
but the destroyed mind wants death
yet, there’s still some hope
Darkness descends,
and crushing loneliness
becomes my cage.
Fine is just perfect…
fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional.
The future,
just a feeling
put on hold.
Nothing will ever
turn out finer…
Fucked up
insecure
neurotic and
emotional but
recovered.
The biology demons
are strong.
Hope becomes
an illusion,
a sinister lie.
One entrenched deep
in every nook
of me with every
slide black.
It’s happiness
not easily found.
This
my undeniable
state.
Trapped in my head,
a life controlled
not by me,
watching this
play out indiscriminately.
Controlling very little,
only breaking down.
Further
and faster
to my end.
The cost of living is expensive.
**This is not my current state. Don’t worry.
shit just got real
life fucking hurts
emotions pour in
tumble out to empty me
an audience of one drama
spectators get the cliff notes
all thoughts on repeat to the nth degree
pain drags like spikes in my grey matter
good memories hurt
good feelings replaced with pain
every nerve lit
but deadened
i need time, meds, answers
and rest
i need life not to suck so much
When you understand my pain, hope it doesn’t kill you.
when anxiety
diligently tries
to undermine
my efforts to live
i go inward
scared, asking questions
insulating in a bubble
surrounding my pain
it’s a lonely conflict
ravaging my body
me damaging me
tearing up my psyche
then i write
poetry
my conduit
to understanding
myself and life
