I feel the incessant battles of internal opposing forces.
My personal war.
Feelings clashing, emotions raging, peace alluding me.
Rational thoughts tip-toe in intermittently.
It’s a daily challenge, every minute of every day.
Seeking tranquility in the chaos, hoping for a forced equilibrium.
But usually tossed about by my innate human nature.
Developing intentional maturity gains me some stability,
slow and teetering baby steps in the direction of wisdom.
Age and experience lend a hand, slowing down the urge to take up arms.
Fed up or just tired and weary?
The beginning of acceptance or true insight?
Not really sure.
The continual striving for harmony during this brief stint.
A life well-lived; I hope.
With death comes peace, ending a lifetime of struggle.
Balancing the scales.
I will not know it though.
Sure doesn’t seem fair.
Awaken in you the love for yourself.
Rise up even more in the feelings of empathy and compassion.
Channel that goodness outwards.
Free others to feel the same in their skin.
Lift them up to greater heights.
Incite others to follow a path of love.
Your beauty will continue to become more elaborate but distinct.
Change the world until it becomes more inhabitable.
Confessions of a young woman
Sometimes I look at myself through the eyes of a stranger. Who I see is not the person I am. Merely a representation of all that other people want me to be. I try to make the world around me believe a different reality, the self-deception is excruciating sometimes, and exhausting. The real me is revolting just under the surface, but to the world around me, all is calm. What keeps this façade in place is the fact that no one cares about me. I know that for a fact. Sometimes I don’t even want to know who I am. It’s bad enough having to live with myself every day. Experiencing the joy of discovery and understanding real joy is a momentary feeling. There are hiccups of excitement coming from my stomach up into my throat when I allow myself to have that sensation of everything’s all right, and I’m all good with me. Sadly, it fades quickly. Who is allowed to entitle themselves to a speck of happiness? Nah, that’s just something you’re not allowed to experience, I say to myself.
Will it always be like this?