At The Heart Of It

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the calamity
weighed down
forcing
the innards
out

revealing
wounds
unleashing
the crying girl
in the corner

where she’d long
swallowed
the grief
fear and shame
the lakes of tears

the eruption
of emotions
expanding
her chest cavity
burgeoning

so much
pain
pain
pain
and more pain

murky depths
led
to the dark matter
filling
the hole within

the rage
agitated hate
the injustice
trapped
and bubbling

the fear of implosion
imminent
the voices
of the past
scolding

an excruciating wait
for the release
from
this
hell

Opposing

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Cody Davis

coloring outside the lines
from early on
disciplined often
she didn’t play well with others

rebellious and obnoxious
loud and proud
seeking attention
needing to be heard

she found the majority
were not her clan
so proud to be dissentient
always doing things her way

mostly on the outside
peering in
headstrong and defiant
a breed born of dysfunction

but she was strong and capable
a mover and shaker
mystifying the competition
finding her peace anyway

She

These words found at Fractal Enlightenment were a powerful reminder to me that I don’t always feel this way. Believing those words can be difficult when life drags me to dark places sometimes. Especially that last bit – deserving to be loved. It still pisses me off that situations in my past contribute to that feeling. Shitty parenting being the crux of it. My parents didn’t know how to do it right. They’re gone, and I’m still here. The aftermath of that was up to me to heal.

For the most part, I’m ok. Actually, better than just ok. My life is good and most of my moments are too. I’ve made sure to surround myself with people who ground me. Now, I just need to feel the words of this meme more days than not.

I guess working this out is a part of life’s journey.

Autonomy

 

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The lessons landed later in life
I found all that was required
was to return to me
I don’t let anyone lead me
won’t follow, won’t kowtow

I realized my independence
discovered my uniqueness
understood my sovereignty
finally knew my place
and found peace in the recognition of me

Getting On

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The more we live
the more we hurt
first wound aching
underneath all the others
fresh one opening
creating a new tear
on the multitudes existing

Layers of lessons
waiting for a new danger
scars prickling in response
to a red flag waving
our nerves insisting on caution
our bowels all a jumble
preparing to hesitate

Safety beckons
but life still calls
ripe for a new adventure
pushing the previous pain down
putting flesh-colored bandaids
on the wounds
knowing the risks could be worth it

hoping for pain-free days

Stabilized

sdfsdfsd

Pushed over the edge.
Waves of emotions coursing.
Tears flow unlocking the deep hurts.
Loud yells projected to match the pain.
Feelings challenged. Resolutions sought. This torture ends now.
Distancing from the anger, the fear and the abysmal. Letting it go.
Choosing peace, choosing harmony, choosing growth.
Deep relaxation and openness stage a presence.
Self-soothed in this self-connection.
Manifesting healing.

Truth

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Sidney Erthal

It’s the place underneath the obvious.
I wanna go deep.

Time to overcome this unease.
I wanna be still.

To excise the superficial, project the truth.
I wanna be real.

To let the music carry me on its wings.
I wanna feel free.

Reveal the tenderness and compassion buried in my pain.
I wanna be me…

I wanna to be happy.