Your Days

it was coming
i knew it with certainty
and distractions from the truth
failed me

when the phone call came
i braced myself in steely opposition
hardening my body against the cruel words
i was about to hear

she’s dead

only screams of sorrow
and heavy sobs of tears escaped me
i was now in a world
which felt empty and hollow

her eagerness to listen
her kind and gentle ways gone
the smiles and caring on her face
would happen no more

i pushed the receiver from my ear
as if to push away the truth
but knowing that mourning had begun
a new reality, one hard to face

feeling empty without her presence
i was born into a lonely place
her voice and body only in memories now
i miss her grace, her love and her acceptance

time took forever to heal the loss i felt
the place in my heart where she took up residence
darkened, and shriveled up
the air thicker as i inhaled only tears

the light she shone came to an end
but the warmth she gave continues
i always try to celebrate the day she was born
but the day she left, i mourn

Image Credit – Angéle Kamp @ Unsplash

I thank VJ and Sadje for inspiring thoughts of my special friendship. Guess I needed a good cry today. I dedicate this piece to Bana – a wonderful human being and such a catalyst for good – she will always be remembered with a smile and a tear.


for those who have left us
they force us to examine
desires and wishes
for understanding of our previous actions

could those changes solve our miseries
possibly, but if not
unhappiness, our friend
for the time being

miseries befall us
when we don’t take a moment
to address our current reality
life stares at us begging for our involvement

…let’s strive not to have any regrets


Images courtesy of Terry Susi

at times nature is cruel
maintaining a life
becomes desperate attempts
at losing the fight

to the victor go the spoils
sustenance or power taken
sometimes both
rewards taken by force

because kill or be killed
rules the animal kingdom
driven by instinct
to win the battle at all costs

…i’m glad i’m not a savage

Graceful Exit

would that death
were a planned event
no loose ends
affairs put in order
duties transferred
things wrapped up
much like jobs you depart

an escape from this world
that created no hardships
for those left behind
people prepared to face your demise
suffering only a delicate melancholy
rather than a devastating loss
pulling them under

an easy, loving goodbye
no pain to speak of
and feeling all right
when our current reality
abruptly stops for us and them
the finale foretold
gracefully accepted

Wordle #467

I wrote my name in the space, as he requested. The mortician said we could work on the rest later. Truth be told, this was easy for me. He wanted me to leave as I was messing with the flow of things. 

“Can I stay?”

“Okay,” he said hesitantly.

I’m betting his blood is thick like glue. I watch them holding his arm down low to insert the needle to bleed him. Next is the embalming fluid for sure. It will be cool to see that.

More interesting than when I pushed the knives into his guts and twisted forcefully?

Secrets Between Lovers – Part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Wow kept going through my dumbfounded head. What a revelation that Connor was a killer for hire. He’s been deceiving me for five years! Although I thought ironically, I’d been doing the same working for the American government. We were both keeping secrets and proved to be excellent liars.

Thankfully, the administration found out through back channels about the details of the assassination attempt. That’s how they knew I would be coming home. They sure worked efficiently to get me all the details.

It’s a pity I would have to kill him, actually sad, I thought to myself. I’ve never had to end a relationship too, but the Republic comes first, always has. Thankfully, I have a private jet at my disposal, which would get me to Washington a lot quicker than Connor. That gave me such an advantage.

As soon as I arrived at the White House, I was escorted in by the Secret Service to discuss how we would execute this mission once Connor was spotted. I had the element of surprise as he didn’t know I was there to kill him. Good, he will be caught off guard. That should make my job easier. Plus, I would be wearing a bit of a disguise, so he wouldn’t immediately recognize me.

The security checks revealed that he’d gotten himself on the kitchen staff roster. Our best guess is he would attempt the assassination using some type of poison, but we’d need to be ready for other methods. Everything seemed prepared for the state dinner, and all felt satisfied things would be handled well without too much commotion tomorrow.

Checking into the hotel, it was time for some rest before the action the next day. But that seemed unlikely, in my mind, considering my target. I’d never had to kill someone I loved before.

I awoke the next morning, realizing that I’d slept better than I thought I would. Hmmm, maybe killing people I loved would be easy? We’ll soon find out. I headed to the White House.

As soon as Connor arrived, the Secret Service messaged everyone. We were on high alert. Everyone took their places and gave him a bit of leeway to reveal how this assassination attempt would occur. One of the agents, also disguised as kitchen staff, followed him around, keeping his eyes targeted on him as much as possible. He continued to give us feedback about his actions but nothing suspicious yet.

“Why am I not surprised you are trying to stop me?” this familiar voice behind me whispered in my ear.

“Connor!” I said, shocked. I turned around and saw he was in disguise. Secret Service wouldn’t have known it was him, but I did. Trump never looked so good.

“Your team is tailing my doppelganger,” he said, “just like I wanted them to.” Damn it. We hadn’t anticipated this scenario during our strategy session.

“Hey, good news. At least there won’t ever be any more interruptions to our vacation, just like I promised. Oh, and by the way Liebchen, Germany will be running this country now.”

“Deutschland Über alles!” Connor said forcefully as he drove the 8″ butcher knife right through my heart.


Thanks so much for your participation! 🙂

It’s Blue And I Think Of You

Each morning, out of the corner of my left eye, the box steals my attention, just for a moment. I glance back to the woman in the mirror and begin the ritual called the start of my day. Shades of red, dabs of matte, outlines of eyes, a misting of the gold locks complete the routine of being presentable.

I rise naked to determine my wardrobe next. The box is again to the left, at my feet. About three feet of space that holds my youthful indiscretions, mostly joys but some admonitions. All my sentimental worthlessness squirreled away, hidden from the world, backed into the closet.

This box, my legacy of intimacies and sheltered private moments, up until my very end, will absorb more recordings of my life. I’ve said it’s my world to escape to when all I’ve got is seclusion and disease, propelling me towards the next phase of this journey. At my end, wanting to recapture the feels by dallying in the dull personal but nostalgic days of my existence. I want to revel one last time in my past, then let it all burn.

My dear friend balked when I told him my plan. He said the world should know of the events which shaped the woman the rest of the world sees. But it’s private, I said. Of course, he nodded, but it’s all the special in you. It’s the why of how you came to be. It’s the treasures kept hidden that deserve to live beyond your death.

I’ve decided to strike a deal with that dear friend. I will stick to my plan of charring all of what remains of my past should he die before me. But if I leave this planet and he’s alive, it’s my parting gift to him. May it bring him some joy to get to know the different stages of the girl I was before our paths crossed and intertwined. I’ll bet he’ll giggle, then cry.

My Angel

memories are a bitch
bubbling up
from depths
mourned long ago
tears falling
without consequence
my friend, you are missed


I was in my early 20s when I lost my good friend, Jerry Angeline, in a vehicle accident. His death impacted me deeply. This was our song and what triggered a flood of memories recently. It still hurts.