Insulating

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Velizar Ivanov

I
really
can’t help you.
Many struggles
of my own. You take care while I take care.

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End Of Innocence

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One of the most powerful art pieces from Burning Man: A sculpture of two adults after a disagreement, sitting with their backs to each other. Yet, the inner child in both of them simply wants to connect. Age has many beautiful gifts but one we could live without is the pride and resentment we hold onto when we have conflicts with others. The forgiving, free spirit of children is our true nature. Remember this when you feel stubborn.
~ https://me.me/i/one-of-the-most-powerful-art-pieces-from-burning-man-9259489~

 

seething in silence, hot tears to the inside

wanting resolution in a war of no words

terrified to lose you but only wanting to win

the walls are getting thicker, higher

harder to tear down

we are a problem not wanting to be solved

My Inheritance

mutti

A lifetime of difficulties landed hard.
Years of sadness, extremes, and bullshit highs.
Insecurities abounded and chaos prevailed.
Welcome to my world.

I was educated on “What will the people think?” stability.
Happy, healthy home – yeah, that was an illusion.
Inconsistent love led to inward rage,
me only always wanting to run away.

Her generation’s dysfunction and the ones before were handed down.
The family poison designed to slowly kill your mind over time.
But she never counted on me fighting hard for my sanity.
I wouldn’t accept this lame gift fraught with pain.

So I cut ties and let her go.
It helped to put up clearly marked boundaries.
I could finally breathe.
I rose above the insanity to find my peace.

Then she died.
The drama spanning generations ceased.
My inheritance was freedom.
Something she never experienced.

Understood

sdf

Do you hear me?
Do you get me?

Feel the urgency,
the intensity?

Do I resonate in your mind?
Does understanding flood your thoughts?

I hope, I wish.
Or will you always back away?

Hide your feelings and your thoughts,
dismissing me.

Letting go, more and more.
Inch by inch, problem by problem.

Can’t you hear that I need you?
I want you.

Lost now in anger, resentment, and fear.
Yours and Mine.

Where’s the connection between us now?
Was there ever one, really?

Can you feel me?
No, I don’t think you can.

Lessons

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Life doing its unintentional thing can hurt. 
I weep, pull myself up and move on.

People’s forced recklessness do harm.
I weep inconsolably,
going deeper into my shell.
Feelings amplified in this echo chamber.
Can’t hear the external anymore.
I hide for a while,

working everything out inside.
And I emerge.

Lessons
I’ve had more than a few.