Maybe not right away, but they will.
I stayed in the background letting you take center stage.
It’s what you needed.
It’s what I thought you wanted.
It’s what I thought I should do.
My needs took second fiddle.
They weren’t that important.
I was wrong.
That gaze lightened my heaviness.
Those eyes told me I was safe.
Tender forcefulness reached in
and unearthed me from
the hardened layers of
You found out who I was
and loved me anyway.
Years of destruction erased.
You easily removed all the layers of my shame.
I felt unafraid in your embrace.
My hard callouses protected me,
you smoothed them out with your touch.
My bleeding open wounds
stitched up by your love.
I was healing.
I became sane.
Health, well-being, and stability
Limbs are in motion to remain in the game.
Emotions challenge us to rise above the harm.
Intellect seeks progress to keep moving forward.
Illness, misery, and chaos
Physical wavering, awaiting our fate.
Succumbing to feelings, oppressed into inaction.
Intelligence unable to keep up, a free-for-all ensuing.
Which direction are you going?
Cravenly holding on when both should be letting go.
It will get better.
Struggling, wishing for the scenarios of rosier times.
Hoping it gets better.
Reality churns out a present of mediocre.
It’s not getting better.
Feeling panic and sadness, a demise is imminent.
It must get better!
Fade to black…
Now, I’ll get better.
Confessions of a young woman
Sometimes I look at myself through the eyes of a stranger. Who I see is not the person I am. Merely a representation of all that other people want me to be. I try to make the world around me believe a different reality, the self-deception is excruciating sometimes, and exhausting. The real me is revolting just under the surface, but to the world around me, all is calm. What keeps this façade in place is the fact that no one cares about me. I know that for a fact. Sometimes I don’t even want to know who I am. It’s bad enough having to live with myself every day. Experiencing the joy of discovery and understanding real joy is a momentary feeling. There are hiccups of excitement coming from my stomach up into my throat when I allow myself to have that sensation of everything’s all right, and I’m all good with me. Sadly, it fades quickly. Who is allowed to entitle themselves to a speck of happiness? Nah, that’s just something you’re not allowed to experience, I say to myself.
Will it always be like this?
You mendacious man!
I’m done! No more lies!
You’ll judge my being.
I’m hesitant to show me,
afraid of failure.
The fire in you warms me.
My coolness keeps you from burning to a crisp.
Manage my happiness!
But my needs are subject to your approval.
Navigating your ego is treacherous.
Peace and quiet, no conflict!
There’s no room for mine.
It’s cold and lonely next to you.
What to do, to break through?
Let me in.
I hurt because of you.
Then I died.
You deserved better.
I know that now.
Please forgive me.