Full Of Love, But Then Empty

Redux

I Write Her

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Nobody tells you how devastated you are going to feel.

Your experience is one of joy, of knowing that you will bring a product of love into the world. The pregnancy is a combination of all that’s good about you and the one who made you feel the need to offer yourself as a vessel for that love. Oh, it feels right. You’ve made the best possible decision you have ever made, and it’s growing inside you. The love you feel for your man, the union you have and the child you’ve made together – it is bliss, magnified times ten. At least, it was for me.

You feel giddiness and a depth of emotion like no other in the beautiful moments of planning your future together, and in sharing your expectations with each other. All smiles, so much love, you feel like you’ll just burst…

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Love Charade

Redux

I Write Her

Excerpt from “Love Needs To Be Real”

And those who have the most love to give

Will always see through this

Warm beautiful heart that radiates light

Will never be alone on a cold dark night.

Fauxcroft

You don’t see it, or feel it. You don’t get it.

The absence of romance tells you nothing.

No warm embrace, you don’t seem to miss it.

Intimacy barely existent, you don’t show any.

Nothing gnaws at you. Or does it?

I’m growling, screaming. Inside and out.

You’re silent.

I’m indifferent… now.

The love died. It reeks sour.

You, the reason.

But maybe you never had it in you?

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Trauma

our family rich with morbitities
of the mind, body and soul
wondering which fate awaits me

inviting the punishment
for perceived past misdeeds
a self-flagellation of sorts

abuse hammered in
nailed to my psyche
hard to escape, even after years

wrenching free is the only hope

Ripe

aching with sorrow and sadness
silently keeping in it
when, eventually the dam breaks
as chance moments
beckon forth deeply held emotions

tears spill quickly
because the lies
behind false smiles
of “i’m all right”
can’t help but break through the barrier
foolishly yet protectively erected

this water shed pinnacle of epic proportions
a facially distorting cataclysm
and puffy, snot producing event
this full-body aching outloud
it was inevitable
so predictable
it was necessary, to move on to healing



Rising

already exhausted upon awakening
the day begins anew

while the brain is slow
the body is even slower

what weighs me down
isn’t easily lifted

for my body and soul
took a deep hit

just trying to stay afloat for now
living is on hold

when the dark veil has lifted
and the heart is healed

i’ll arise more determined
with hope in my eyes

I’m The Key

Redux

I Write Her

httpsafinewar.deviantart.comafinewar

Darkness, frustration, anger, sadness.

Feeling sorry for myself.

Wallowing going nowhere.

Chance, opportunity, action, other’s opening that door. It’s all relative.

But it can’t happen without me.

I need to be in it. I need to want to go towards awareness, progress, and enlightenment.

Today. Let me be the tumbler moving in the right direction.

Unlocking myself now…

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Applauding Adversity

Redux

I Write Her

I say defiantly success.png

!!!!

Uttered with recalcitrant anger through gritted teeth; words forcefully arising out of my clenched mouth.

I’ve not let my life, situations, people or anything end me. Yet.

I grant a thank you, of sorts, to the pain played out by substandard friends, broken relationships, betrayals, nature’s force and every disturbing event determined to pierce me in my psyche.

It’s a necessary process, albeit grueling and inconvenient.

Enduring hardships becomes my opportunity to best myself.

I welcome the growth, but I do despise the adversity.

There’s no escape from struggles, or hurt and pain.

The victory gives me just enough strength for the next battle.

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