emotions – I Write Her

Shattering The Hold

Published on August 10, 2018August 6, 2018 by Susi BocksLeave a comment

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Intensity laced with lunacy, it’s seductively subliminal.

Past hurt swept away by the look masquerading as deeply in love.

It’s not love.

It’s danger.

And it easily has you.

If you are not careful.

Psychological warfare playing out in the depths of your mind.

Don’t be deceived by the charm of the snakes, the force of the demanding ones

or the egos of those where clever observation never occurs.

They will hurt you.
Maybe not right away, but they will.

The scars of learning are deep and never healing.

See it before it gets a hold of you.

**Originally published PhiloSusi 10/22/16 Re-posted here with minor revisions

Unobstrusive

Published on August 6, 2018August 3, 2018 by Susi Bocks6 Comments

I stayed in the background letting you take center stage.

It’s what you needed.

It’s what I thought you wanted.

It’s what I thought I should do.

My needs took second fiddle.

They weren’t that important.

I was wrong.

You dick.

I Became

Published on July 31, 2018July 30, 2018 by Susi Bocks11 Comments

That gaze lightened my heaviness.
Those eyes told me I was safe.

Tender forcefulness reached in
and unearthed me from
the hardened layers of
self-imposed eradication.

You found out who I was
and loved me anyway.

Years of destruction erased.
You easily removed all the layers of my shame.
I felt unafraid in your embrace.

My hard callouses protected me,
you smoothed them out with your touch.
My bleeding open wounds
stitched up by your love.

I was healing.
I recovered.
I became sane.

Motion

Published on July 25, 2018July 24, 2018 by Susi BocksLeave a comment

Going towards
Health, well-being, and stability

Limbs are in motion to remain in the game.
Emotions challenge us to rise above the harm.
Intellect seeks progress to keep moving forward.

Falling backward
Illness, misery, and chaos

Physical wavering, awaiting our fate.
Succumbing to feelings, oppressed into inaction.
Intelligence unable to keep up, a free-for-all ensuing.

Which direction are you going?

Hesitating

Published on July 23, 2018July 22, 2018 by Susi Bocks4 Comments

Cravenly holding on when both should be letting go.

It will get better.

Struggling, wishing for the scenarios of rosier times.

Hoping it gets better.

Reality churns out a present of mediocre.

It’s not getting better.

Feeling panic and sadness, a demise is imminent.

It must get better!

Fade to black…

Now, I’ll get better.

Face On

Published on July 22, 2018July 22, 2018 by Susi Bocks3 Comments

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Confessions of a young woman

Sometimes I look at myself through the eyes of a stranger. Who I see is not the person I am. Merely a representation of all that other people want me to be. I try to make the world around me believe a different reality, the self-deception is excruciating sometimes, and exhausting. The real me is revolting just under the surface, but to the world around me, all is calm. What keeps this façade in place is the fact that no one cares about me. I know that for a fact. Sometimes I don’t even want to know who I am. It’s bad enough having to live with myself every day. Experiencing the joy of discovery and understanding real joy is a momentary feeling. There are hiccups of excitement coming from my stomach up into my throat when I allow myself to have that sensation of everything’s all right, and I’m all good with me. Sadly, it fades quickly. Who is allowed to entitle themselves to a speck of happiness? Nah, that’s just something you’re not allowed to experience, I say to myself.

Will it always be like this?