Fearful

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You’ll judge my being.

I’m hesitant to show me,

afraid of failure.

 

 

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Fire And Ice

fire and ice

The fire in you warms me.
My coolness keeps you from burning to a crisp.

Manage my happiness! 

But my needs are subject to your approval.
Navigating your ego is treacherous.

Peace and quiet, no conflict!

There’s no room for mine.

Cast Aside

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It’s cold and lonely next to you.
Freezing.
What to do, to break through?
Open up.
Let me in.

I can’t.
I hurt because of you.
You lied.
I cried.
Then I died.

I’ll change.
I promise.
You deserved better.
I know that now.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.

No.

Hopelessness

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Lucid Being 315

In the clutches of this mental sinkhole, forced effort my only ally.

My day is silent, slow tears and exhaustion.

The bed, my refuge.

This world feels so far removed from inside my womb of despair.

Dark, alone and unwell.

I need to stop sinking.

Or eventually, I will float.

Backlash

scars_of_self_hate_by_kapanihan-d8htjev
paintausea.deviantart.com

Guest post by Terry Susi

Just stop
Why can’t you see
I am already damaged

I am hurt
The fuse is ignited
Too late
There is no escaping
The blast

You can wrap me
In your arms
Keep the pieces
In place
Or hide
Behind your indifference
Hope the shards
Don’t slash you

I am done
It is over
I pick up the shrapnel
Now go
Lick your wounds

Longing For The Past

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Uninvited days of the past appear at the door of my present.

They push inside to fill the heaviness in the room. A smile begins to form on my weary face.

Uninhibited laughter, passionate entanglements, mundane and easy tasks, all flickering a pretty picture.

Actively watching the gloriously faded memories now vividly replaying in my mind.

But the door closes eventually, and I’m again fully toiling in the sorrow which summoned another life.

Tears, uninvited, fall silently. The wetness glazes over the joy. Images from a previous time return for safe-keeping until my mind summons them. Again.

 

**Originally published PhiloSusi 6/16/14  Posted here with slight revisions.