Tag: child abuse

Reblog – childhood’s villain by Bogdan Dragos

Published on by Susi Bocks2 Comments

A powerful read for anyone with a dysfunctional childhood, definitely one for me.

Daydreaming as a profession

Father used his fists a lot Though never on the kids On the walls and the furniture and the doors and the mailbox and the fence and the neighbors and random people on the street and strangers in the bar and a few times the poor dog and one time on mother He was the childhood’s villain To defeat him one had to become a hero and becoming a hero took time And today after all this time the villain of childhood was dead He died at the hands of some other character, a neutral one A cop who told him to drop to the ground and father didn’t so he got shot That was it The end of his saga Utterly unsatisfactory anticlimactic disappointing just bad There was no final showdown between hero and villain because those things only happen in childhood and childhood had ended a long time…

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Beginning, Middle, End

Published on by Susi Bocks19 Comments
Inspired by The Three Kingdoms – Goff James

by chance
life begins amongst strangers
a start of birthed possibilities
propelled without consent

entering this world
substantive expectations spur entities on
with an unconscious hope for empathy and guidance

yet living is a potluck
one possibly enjoyed
but for them
probably not

filled with variables beyond their control
with only but a few moments
bent favorably in their direction

too soon
the barely living
trudge towards the inevitable
a half-achieved existence for most

with regret
many pass
with tears
they leave in agony
their death
the unfortunate finish they’d not hoped for

Trauma

Published on by Susi Bocks8 Comments
white human face carved on white wall
Jan Canty – Unsplash

our family rich with morbitities
of the mind, body and soul
wondering which fate awaits me

inviting the punishment
for perceived past misdeeds
a self-flagellation of sorts

abuse hammered in
nailed to my psyche
hard to escape, even after years

wrenching free is the only hope

Innocence Damaged

Published on by Susi Bocks10 Comments

Redux

I Write Her

Untitled

Fear, shame, and guilt packed onto the frail frames of children.

Bruises are the accessories of their souls.

Innocence wiped from the faces of angels.

Harshness becomes the norm, thriving isn’t an option.

At least not for a while, more likely much longer.

Tasting freedom with the coming of age, finally.

But darkness from the past continues to weigh heavy.

Their existence tainted still.

Mental anguish persists from pain doled out by monsters of the past.

Fear, shame, and guilt still trapped deep.

Intensely alone with their damaging construct.

It’s still survival mode.

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Hot Breath In A Cold Room

Published on by Susi Bocks18 Comments
pxhere.com

laying on her side
focusing outside herself
outside the window
at the moon

him on her bed
crushing down
on her youth
babbling incoherently

close to her face
intimate, like she’s his wife
exhaling utterances
laced with beer

scaring this ten year old
into a world
for which she was not equipped
fear gripping every inch of her

‘leave already’ she wishes to herself
not knowing what to do
when he, whom she trusts,
severs the line of decency

*Note – While this was a true event, the child was not raped, thank goodness. However, it left some emotional scars, and trust was broken as certain boundaries were crossed.

Invisible

Published on by Susi Bocks12 Comments
Photo by James Sutton on Pexels.com

my love for you…

is written on my face
but you can’t seem to read me

emanates with intensity
but you are immune to feeling me

is expressed with every syllable
but you don’t know how to hear me

is right in front of you
but you are unable to see me

i must not be enough

Covering

Published on by Susi Bocks26 Comments

Untitled

Joy feels like exposure to the harshest elements.
In showing it you become a pawn
in the game of advantage
like taken of that is.

Allowing happiness to make an appearance,
well, that’s just a sin.
“Be humble, accept things with grace,” they said.
As they shushed my feelings out of jealousy.

Feeling like a kernel doubling in size,
well, that’s just ruinous.
“Let’s not have a grandiose, public display,” they said.
As they swatted my butt out of anger.

Having intensity acknowledged on the surface,
well, that’s just suicide.
“Behave yourself!” they said.
As they locked me away with a pious vengeance.

Where did it ever get me to give a voice
to what bubbles up happy tears and excitement?
Hide your feelings, stomp them down reactions was all I ever got.
Because no one really wanted to meet the real me.

At The Heart Of It

Published on by Susi Bocks9 Comments

Untitled

the calamity
weighed down
forcing
the innards
out

revealing
wounds
unleashing
the crying girl
in the corner

where she’d long
swallowed
the grief
fear and shame
the lakes of tears

the eruption
of emotions
expanding
her chest cavity
burgeoning

so much
pain
pain
pain
and more pain

murky depths
led
to the dark matter
filling
the hole within

the rage
agitated hate
the injustice
trapped
and bubbling

the fear of implosion
imminent
the voices
of the past
scolding

an excruciating wait
for the release
from
this
hell

Broken From Birth

Published on by Susi Bocks6 Comments

Untitled

the anger in youth
is palpable
truth met with silence
acceptance non-existent

the anger in relationships
continues on in years
one failure after the other
blame with shame

the anger at oneself
clung to for so long
it’s sickening
it’s heart-breaking

… it’s got to change