Silent deception
Confident chicanery
You smiling bastard
Hard hit to the heart
Foreign reality now
Weight of lies broke me
Forever altered
Gazillion hurt pieces
Difficult to breathe
Difficult to live
Struggling to survive in pain
Dark for a long time
Originally published 8/17/2018 on I Write Her.
Inspired by Sadje’s What do you see #162
past deeds do haunt you
ultimatums were given
rectify actions
Redux
Involved. There. With me.
Right.
So far removed from reality.
I know.
You don’t.
Still fighting the wrong things.
Proudly arrogant.
You go, boy.
You lose, boy.
Growing weary.
Moving on.
Originally published 8/7/2018 on I Write Her.
Redux
I stayed in the background, letting you take center stage.
It’s what you needed.
It’s what I thought you wanted.
It’s what I thought I should do.
My needs took second fiddle.
They weren’t that important.
I was wrong.
You dick.
Originally posted 8/6/2018 on I Write Her.
i sense it
your words all lies
i picture it
vile scenery in my mind
i feel it
another gut punch
i know it
because i know you
Redux
My pain is nestled in these lyrics.
Bringing back those days of hurt so acutely, so clearly.
Wounded beyond repair, devastated by the despair.
The US once my cure for loneliness, no more.
Shattered in an instant.
Unease in my core, life flickering out of my heart.
Every moment of remembrance takes me back when you split US into two.
I fear I’ll need a lifetime’s worth of healing to get back my equilibrium.
Clouds part
Just to give us a little sun
There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love
There’s a limit to your care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare?
There’s a limit to your care
I love, I love, I love
This dream of going upstream
I love, I love, I love
The trouble that you give me
I know, I know, I know
That only I can save me
I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go
Right down the road
There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love
I can’t read your smile
It should be written on your face
I’m piecing it together
There’s something out of place
Oh
I love I love, I love
This dream of going upstream
I love, I love, I love
The trouble that you give me
I know, I know, I know
That only I can save me
I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go
Out on the road
Because there is no limit
There’s no limit
No limit, no limit, no limit
Limit to my love
Songwriter: Leslie Feist, Jason Charles Beck
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
Licensed by: UMG, [Merlin] FUGA Aggregation (on behalf of Arts & Crafts Productions); UMPI, SOLAR Music Rights Management, EMI Music Publishing, CMRRA, UBEM, UMPG Publishing, and 8 Music Rights Societies
When you get older, plainer, saner
When you remember all the danger we came from
Burning like embers, falling, tender
Long before the days of no surrender
Years ago and well you know
Smoke ’em if you got ’em
‘Cause it’s going down
All I ever wanted was you
I’ll never get to heaven
‘Cause I don’t know how
Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you could cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Baby, is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?
Wishing I could see the machinations
Understand the toil of expectations in your mind
Hold me like you never lost your patience
Tell me that you love me more than hate me all the time
And you’re still mine
So smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em
‘Cause it’s going down
All I ever wanted was you
Let’s take a drink of heaven
This can turn around
Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you could cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh, oh oh
Babe, is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?
Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you cold cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?
Songwriters: Laura Pergolizzi / Nathaniel Campany / Michael Gonzales
Lost on You lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management
Originally posted 7/26/2018 on I Write Her.
birthed in pain anew
the anguish it overwhelms
will time heal my wounds
Redux
shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly
the heartache pounded harshly inward
internal distress burnt a tortuous red
a deep cut surrounded by a million small tears
the stress widened all the wounds
anguish and heartbreak followed
the future, unending and suffering agony
sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival
this daedal misery mimicked a slow death
love left in an upset heap
an untidy disarray of hurt
this…
this from someone who cherished commitment
not another next
i do believe my mass will implode
what on earth have i done to deserve this
why must my heart be torn apart in another war
only to once again reject a connection made
the color of beaten love
a cloud on my face
oh, to kill the ensuing anxiety and suffering
yet, i will search the trenches of my heart made by you
to find the ability to forgive
admit
it’s an unreasonable ask
Go check out Sadje’s Sunday Poser – Great question and wonderful responses! This piece reflects what so many of us have done – kept on trying and trying, even in the face of no resolution.
The Season Changed
The season changed
Deranged with loss, oh, how I grieved
The season changed.
Spring lambs leapt; blue skies furled white sheets
A cloudy barge carried your hearse
A setting sun shed crimson blood
The season changed.
The lovely moon
The lovely moon
Sent me into, a trance, a swoon
The lovely moon
Whispered gibberish, silver bliss
Made love to me, sly crescent tease
Winked eternal love, blew a kiss
The lovely moon.
The Death Dance
Death floats above my mortal
Cast-off shell
Adieu, life, as I knew it
The spring wells of joy
The pools of tears,
The daily grind
The nighttime fears
I am to hold hands
Dance above my corpse
With the great leveler
In the holiest temple of all
Without body or address
Dwelling outside time
And space
Where when I flatline
Where I go
Is something now I shall
Come to know.
Will You Be Mine?
I don’t want to be rescued.
Be
My deliverance.
I don’t want to be saved.
Be
My salvation.
I don’t want to be loved.
Unless I can love you back.
Please, don’t open doors for me.
Or offer me your seat.
Be my doorway
To brave beginnings
And I will rise,
Stand up for my beliefs.
Cost of Betrayal
My infidelity did not anger him, strangely enough, it humbled, crumbled, and made him so meek it broke my heart.
Lights Die Out
When he finally cracked, it was a ‘blink and you will miss it’ moment. The twinkle in his eyes extinguished.
End of a Love Story
In short, though I was ready to forgive him, he had moved beyond the need to be forgiven. The end.
~~~
Amrita Valan is a writer from India, and she has been published in many online journals and anthologies. Recently her debut book of fifty poems Arrivederci was published and is available on Amazon.
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