Some exciting news to share with you all – SpillWords Press has accepted and published a new piece of mine – Cold Hearts! Many thanks to Dagmara K – Director of Development and Editor – for selecting this piece for publication. I’m honored to be featured at SpillWords!
Please take a moment to visit the link above to read about this free verse, micro poem which deals with the bitterness and feelings of betrayal in relationships gone bad.
Shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly.
The heartache pounded harshly inward.
Internal distress burnt a tortuous red.
A deep cut surrounded by a million small tears.
The stress widened all the wounds.
Anguish and heartbreak followed.
The future, unending and suffering agony.
Sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival.
This daedal misery mimicked a slow death.
Love left in an upset heap, an untidy disarray of hurt.
This… this from someone who cherished commitment.
coming up on 13 years
the memory
the emotional gut punch
still
gnaws in my belly
at the recollection
of that move of yours
your betrayal
such poor form
to hold hidden fierce truths
years of lies
went by
camouflaged in my perceived sincerity
it’s what fools don’t know
that keep wretched people
like you
in the spotlight
of adoration
but no more
it’s time
you become the stranger you are
because you weren’t real
ever
not now
and certainly not in the past
she, who will never be recalled
will no longer
make me grit my teeth
send a surge thru my stomach
no longer
will i care
no longer
will i wince at the mention of your name
you don’t deserve to take up any room in my headspace
or my heart
my past returns
up in my future
like hot juice
down my throat
it burns
this becomes something else
tainted and wrong
desperate attempts
at rising above
at feeling less defiled
sullied and broken
once again
first time, shame on him
second time, shame on me
a third time won’t happen
where once was substance
a hollow shell
in its place
love bounces off
not even a response
anymore
kindness is foreign
after the tragedy
of betrayal
this voluminous space
of emptiness
is home now
Inspired by BrewNSpew Cafe – 2/4/19 – Empty
Your actions made me feel like I wasn’t special to you.
You claimed…
I was important to you. Did you show it?
I was a good friend. But not enough for you.
You loved me unconditionally, but I was too much to take.
I was unique and different, but I was too combative.
I was such a role model, but indeed too honest for you.
It’s good that I’m honest. But I just wasn’t sensitive to others.
I was just me.
And you didn’t know how to take me.
Then I doubted myself because of you.
I shouldn’t have.
Our connection ceased to exist because of your selfishness and your ego.
A war of two individuals with no victory for you or me.
You gave up while I was actually still fighting for us.
Then I let you go…. willingly.
Self-preservation was required.
I realized that all you would do is continue to injure me.
Just know…
I am important.
I have value.
I am special.
And you will never fuck me over again.
waves of hate
inward and out
years of betrayal
misuse and mishandling
all that is wrong
is not righted
all that has healed
is not pretty
all that is pretty
is a mask we wear
the back side of smiles
hiding the ugly scars
where is the beauty
in you or in me
It took my last bit of strength to pick up
every last bit of shredded me off the floor.
Left with bloody fragments of a torn heart,
a distorted mind and a shaken psyche.
My existence, Picasso’s The Weeping Woman feel to it.
Feeling awkwardly out of place and lost in my space.
I had to recalibrate; I needed to rebuild.
Now I’m new and different, possibly improved.
A little wiser for the wear; a lot harder around the edges.
More protective of me, not so naive anymore.
Self-preservation took me to new heights.
I’m back and ready.
Don’t ever hurt me again.
You inflicted your pain on me.
I
wish I
could go back.
Fix what I did.
I’d unbreak your heart, make it whole again.
