Nobody ever says that, that those who fear falling in love have this tendency to be more affectionate and nurturing and gentle lovers. It’s not the fear of “falling in love” that they’re actually afraid of but the fear of “being in love.” The fear of being somewhere they’ve always wanted and the fear of not being worthy enough of it. Juansen Dizon – Philophobia
I was the golden warrior.
Found my place, made my name.
I chose you.
You were deemed worthy.
But then you pulled away.
Stayed but let me wonder.
Who am I now without you really there?
Felt shaken, unsure.
Forced me to beg.
I wasn’t sure anymore if I was desirable.
How could you do this?
I trusted you to love me whole.
Honor and love me forever.
This is how you respect me?
I let you in believing I was worth so much to you.
Some exciting news to share with you all – SpillWords Press has accepted and published a new piece of mine – Cold Hearts! Many thanks to Dagmara K – Director of Development and Editor – for selecting this piece for publication. I’m honored to be featured at SpillWords!
Please take a moment to visit the link above to read about this free verse, micro poem which deals with the bitterness and feelings of betrayal in relationships gone bad.
coming up on 13 years
the emotional gut punch
gnaws in my belly
at the recollection
of that move of yours
such poor form
to hold hidden fierce truths
years of lies
camouflaged in my perceived sincerity
it’s what fools don’t know
that keep wretched people
in the spotlight
but no more
you become the stranger you are
because you weren’t real
and certainly not in the past
she, who will never be recalled
will no longer
make me grit my teeth
send a surge thru my stomach
will i care
will i wince at the mention of your name
you don’t deserve to take up any room in my headspace
or my heart
Your actions made me feel like I wasn’t special to you.
You claimed… I was important to you. Did you show it? I was a good friend. But not enough for you. You loved me unconditionally, but I was too much to take. I was unique and different, but I was too combative. I was such a role model, but indeed too honest for you. It’s good that I’m honest. But I just wasn’t sensitive to others.
I was just me. And you didn’t know how to take me.
Then I doubted myself because of you. I shouldn’t have.
Our connection ceased to exist because of your selfishness and your ego.
A war of two individuals with no victory for you or me. You gave up while I was actually still fighting for us.
Then I let you go…. willingly. Self-preservation was required. I realized that all you would do is continue to injure me.
I am important. I have value. I am special. And you will never fuck me over again.