Ugly Ways

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Silent deception
Confident chicanery
You smiling bastard

Hard hit to the heart
Foreign reality now
Weight of lies broke me

Forever altered
Gazillion hurt pieces
Difficult to breathe

Difficult to live
Struggling to survive in pain
Dark for a long time

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Clueless

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Involved. There. With me.

Right.

So far removed from reality.

I know.

You don’t.

Still fighting the wrong things.

Proudly arrogant.

You go, boy.

You lose, boy.

Growing weary.

Moving on.

Heartbreak

My pain is nestled in these lyrics.
Bringing back those days of hurt so acutely, so clearly.
Wounded beyond repair, devastated by the despair.
The US once my cure for loneliness, no more.
Shattered in an instant.
Unease in my core, life flickering out of my heart.
Every moment of remembrance takes me back when you split US into two.
I fear I’ll need a lifetime’s worth of healing to get back my equilibrium.

Clouds part
Just to give us a little sun

There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

There’s a limit to your care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare?
There’s a limit to your care

I love, I love, I love
This dream of going upstream
I love, I love, I love
The trouble that you give me
I know, I know, I know
That only I can save me
I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go
Right down the road

There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

I can’t read your smile
It should be written on your face
I’m piecing it together
There’s something out of place
Oh

I love I love, I love
This dream of going upstream
I love, I love, I love
The trouble that you give me
I know, I know, I know
That only I can save me
I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go
Out on the road
Because there is no limit
There’s no limit
No limit, no limit, no limit
Limit to my love

Songwriter: Leslie Feist, Jason Charles Beck
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
Licensed by: UMG, [Merlin] FUGA Aggregation (on behalf of Arts & Crafts Productions); UMPI, SOLAR Music Rights Management, EMI Music Publishing, CMRRA, UBEM, UMPG Publishing, and 8 Music Rights Societies

 

When you get older, plainer, saner
When you remember all the danger we came from
Burning like embers, falling, tender
Long before the days of no surrender
Years ago and well you know

Smoke ’em if you got ’em
‘Cause it’s going down
All I ever wanted was you
I’ll never get to heaven
‘Cause I don’t know how

Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you could cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Baby, is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?

Wishing I could see the machinations
Understand the toil of expectations in your mind
Hold me like you never lost your patience
Tell me that you love me more than hate me all the time
And you’re still mine

So smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em
‘Cause it’s going down
All I ever wanted was you
Let’s take a drink of heaven
This can turn around

Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you could cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh
Is that lost on you?
Oh oh, oh oh
Babe, is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?

Let’s raise a glass or two
To all the things I’ve lost on you
Oh oh
Tell me are they lost on you?
Oh oh
Just that you cold cut me loose
Oh oh
After everything I’ve lost on you
Is that lost on you?
Is that lost on you?

Songwriters: Laura Pergolizzi / Nathaniel Campany / Michael Gonzales
Lost on You lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management

 

Painful Confusion

2

Shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly.

The heartache pounded harshly inward.

Internal distress burnt a tortuous red.

A deep cut surrounded by a million small tears.

The stress widened all the wounds.

Anguish and heartbreak followed.

The future, unending and suffering agony.

Sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival.

This daedal misery mimicked a slow death.

Love left in a upset heap, an untidy disarray of hurt.

This… this from someone who cherished commitment.

Man-ipulation

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“Men are every bit as sneaky and calculating and venomous as women are widely suspected to be.”  Lili Loofbourow

“Did I do that? OH! I’m sorry, that was not my intention.”

“Ugh, I suck. Can you forgive me? “

Eyes of innocence before me for the 1000th time.

Him being purposefully confused to purposefully confuse me.
Slick like oil.

An engineered game well-played to my detriment.

I am maneuvered purposefully, skillfully.
Me still loving, trusting and believing.

Directed by his intention I question myself.
My judgment is slipping.

Damn it.

For the last time.

Loving to Death

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“It’s the only way I know how to love someone. If I bring a smile to someone’s face, I feel like I have shown them I love them. So, yes, I look to make her happy. Her happiness means the world to me.” And the therapist asked a question I could not answer then, “At what cost to you…?”

Acquiescent Soul Blog

Giving that doesn’t take into account a woman’s desires, isn’t shared happiness.

It’s an obligation on her part to say thank you for a kindness without thought.

Each act showing a deliberate lack of understanding her soul.

Recognize retribution for your ignorance will cost you the relationship.

And it’s not her fault.

But there you’ll go, blaming her and all woman-kind.

Grow up.

 

 

Next

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And in that moment of forced togetherness
I felt like the boy eating off the filth of a paper city
I realised I’m forcing the same trash through my heart
In craving to be someone’s priority

Vasvi Gupta – excerpt from Reversed Smiles

Find the specific details on why you loved this person, and it’s okay to find yourself still loving this person, but you have to see that these qualities do exist with a person who’s waiting for you, who’s even willing to give you more.

Let go of the fantasy. Loss is a good place to love yourself more and work on forgiving yourself more. 

Baby, don’t think that the time you spent with that person was lost for it has prepared you for this very moment, our conversation here.

Heartache may lead to the suicide of the mind but never of the soul.

 – excerpt from Every Woman

We’re not special, not like before.

I don’t fucking like you anymore.

Was before even all that? Was it even real?

You catapulted your heart and adoration away to another.

I transport back to emotions I was forced to leave behind. Aching for them.

Support is not commitment when your lover suffers subtle degrees of rejection.

Your focus was where it shouldn’t have been.

Layers of my strength came undone with your carelessness.

I was livid. I was lost.

I am lost, and still here.

Now what?