yes
OMFG YES
it all went away
this face
adoring you lovingly
a killer smile
appreciating your charm
these lips
so moist, waiting
bright eyes
only for you
it’s all gone now
but you’re bitching about
my…
attitude
demeanor ————– when it’s a direct consequence of your piss poor behavior
compassion
Love
carried
me away
to magical
moments unmatched by other men, to date.
Then, like others before, you fucked it up.
Gone was the love,
the trusting.
Found me
though.
Nobody ever says that, that those who fear falling in love have this tendency to be more affectionate and nurturing and gentle lovers. It’s not the fear of “falling in love” that they’re actually afraid of but the fear of “being in love.” The fear of being somewhere they’ve always wanted and the fear of not being worthy enough of it.
Juansen Dizon – Philophobia
I was the golden warrior.
Found my place, made my name.
I chose you.
You were deemed worthy.
But then you pulled away.
Stayed but let me wonder.
Who am I now without you really there?
Felt shaken, unsure.
Forced me to beg.
I wasn’t sure anymore if I was desirable.
Constant questioning.
How could you do this?
I trusted you to love me whole.
Honor and love me forever.
This is how you respect me?
I let you in believing I was worth so much to you.
But in the end, only you mattered.
your physical presence
meant something
before
your shape filled up
the room
with joy
the moments now
alone
when in your presence
Some exciting news to share with you all – SpillWords Press has accepted and published a new piece of mine – Cold Hearts! Many thanks to Dagmara K – Director of Development and Editor – for selecting this piece for publication. I’m honored to be featured at SpillWords!
Please take a moment to visit the link above to read about this free verse, micro poem which deals with the bitterness and feelings of betrayal in relationships gone bad.
Shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly.
The heartache pounded harshly inward.
Internal distress burnt a tortuous red.
A deep cut surrounded by a million small tears.
The stress widened all the wounds.
Anguish and heartbreak followed.
The future, unending and suffering agony.
Sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival.
This daedal misery mimicked a slow death.
Love left in an upset heap, an untidy disarray of hurt.
This… this from someone who cherished commitment.
coming up on 13 years
the memory
the emotional gut punch
still
gnaws in my belly
at the recollection
of that move of yours
your betrayal
such poor form
to hold hidden fierce truths
years of lies
went by
camouflaged in my perceived sincerity
it’s what fools don’t know
that keep wretched people
like you
in the spotlight
of adoration
but no more
it’s time
you become the stranger you are
because you weren’t real
ever
not now
and certainly not in the past
she, who will never be recalled
will no longer
make me grit my teeth
send a surge thru my stomach
no longer
will i care
no longer
will i wince at the mention of your name
you don’t deserve to take up any room in my headspace
or my heart
my past returns
up in my future
like hot juice
down my throat
it burns
this becomes something else
tainted and wrong
desperate attempts
at rising above
at feeling less defiled
sullied and broken
once again
first time, shame on him
second time, shame on me
a third time won’t happen
where once was substance
a hollow shell
in its place
love bounces off
not even a response
anymore
kindness is foreign
after the tragedy
of betrayal
this voluminous space
of emptiness
is home now
Inspired by BrewNSpew Cafe – 2/4/19 – Empty
Your actions made me feel like I wasn’t special to you.
You claimed…
I was important to you. Did you show it?
I was a good friend. But not enough for you.
You loved me unconditionally, but I was too much to take.
I was unique and different, but I was too combative.
I was such a role model, but indeed too honest for you.
It’s good that I’m honest. But I just wasn’t sensitive to others.
I was just me.
And you didn’t know how to take me.
Then I doubted myself because of you.
I shouldn’t have.
Our connection ceased to exist because of your selfishness and your ego.
A war of two individuals with no victory for you or me.
You gave up while I was actually still fighting for us.
Then I let you go…. willingly.
Self-preservation was required.
I realized that all you would do is continue to injure me.
Just know…
I am important.
I have value.
I am special.
And you will never fuck me over again.
