Victories

230
Ash D. Solomon – Lucid Being

finally tasting
what it means to be proud
of myself
it took too many years
for me to be free
from the contempt
the shame
your shame
forced on me
always making me feel smaller
than you were
knocking me down
me losing my identity
giving up my right to believe in myself

what a horrible mother you were
damn you

treading water
for years
wasted years
of frustration and tears
pushing hard
to break barriers
and maintain
sure would have been easier
knowing my value

you were supposed to be on my side
damn you

did it without you
lived an honorable, scarred life
healed all the wounds
inside and out
ups and downs
gains with each effort
failure was not
an option
because

you weren’t ever my safety net
damn you

me
now
so much better than what was
my time has come
achieving my greatness
feeling good in my skin
owning the center
whole, and comprehending peace
it raises me above your pettiness
and your disgusting competition
finally

damn girl, 
so proud of you

For Show

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Elijah O’Donnell

cut flowers
damaged to project perfection

eventually, they’ll die
it’s not natural to live in glass

we were both cut in youth
damaged to project perfection

outside showed one thing
inside was a mess

both of us broken people
trying to get it right

hard knocks
every one a lesson

forced smiles
pressured lives

hard to bloom
when defeat is all you know

Captured

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Over and over, repeated re-injury of the senses.
It’s what we had.

Dressed in our despair, bonded by pain.
It’s what we shared.

We twisted and contorted, struggled further to gain control.
It’s how we fought.

Every prick of the conscience drained another abscess.
It’s how we learned.

Giving up was not an option.
It’s how we lived.

 

 

 

 

 

Smoldering

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The unaddressed haunts the vitality of the future.
A boiling, hot mess of resentment seething right below the surface.
Repetitively protecting the external while the red-hot hatred burns.
The barely suppressed rage remains coiled inside.
Implosion imminent.

Eventually, it will kill you.

Freedom From The Past

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“Dead family walking!”

The family was chaotic from day one.

They being an absentee, alcoholic father, and a probably-suffering-from-a-mental-illness mother not understanding love.

A child being cheated out of something before her existence had ever really begun.

So many unusual life lessons played out where mediocrity would flourish.

Determined small steps tested the authorities; she tried where she could.

Her willingness to rise above engaged with her persistently in the aftermath of their lives.

She took control of all in her realm, determined to do what was best.

The past is now safely in the rear-view mirror.

Today promised ever-increasing clarity going forward.