Flailing

you know the times
i speak of
when things are out of control
feeling beaten and flogged
by circumstance

they are a test
of our structure
our resilience and strength
shall we bend or shall we break
beneath the pressures

with perseverence in those times
it forces us to grab hold
to stretch to new postures
straining new muscles
all the while, enhancing our existence

Drive

treks of this distance
take a lifetime
not always a straight line
or one foot in front of the other
sometimes hopping on a broken leg
many times crawling
perhaps at times robust enough to run

living doesn’t carry with it
a formula for success
determination, a will to thrive and action
all prerequisites
a dash of luck thrown in
still
success not always achieved

i will not give up
i love myself too much

“My muse is not a god.” Susi Bocks

Targets

go for it
follow your instincts
put your pedal to the metal
full steam ahead

no one tells you as you do
that struggling is a part of the journey
it’s hard work
chasing your dreams

i hope you remember
to be playful and filled with joy
as you hit all those milestones
the markers of your success

Chosen Destiny

life is calling me
the direction always forward

determining what’s next
heading down a path with my name

walking away from your view
walking towards mine

what pulls on your soul?

#Whatdoyousee
Image credit – Timur Kozmenko

Sticking To It

When I was younger, I followed the adults before me and made a New Year’s Resolution or two. It’s as if January 1 were some magical day, which that alone ensured success for those things I’d wanted to change. More often than not, I’d fail to follow through. Eventually, I stopped doing that. On the day I decide when I’m frustrated or dissatisfied enough to warrant some change within myself, I do it, whatever that day of the year turns out to be. It seems it works better for me this way.

Loud

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kept down
held back
filled with fear
and rage 

despair at every turn
me, an unwilling victim
blockades to stop me
turbulence swirling me about

My history embedded a lack of power in me.
Years of criticism, critique, and disgust took its toll.
Thick layers of neglect crusted over on this shell of me.
Defeated, ignored, and scared.

But I dared to feel more important than what the day rolled out.
I fought to experience life exquisitely, with the volume on high.
Determined to engage with this existence full of substance and force.
I clutched myself hard and pushed forward to lean loudly into my future.

Not gonna hide from it anymore.

Shielding

Sticks-and-Stones-Soren-Palmer
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The injurious are on the prowl.

Instinctively my guard goes up.

Hurling words to pierce the psyche.

Expectedly waiting for more of a beat-down.

Another and another and another.

The taunts ricocheting inside me like a ping-pong ball. 

Humiliation the game, the victor no one.

I feel desperate and alone. I want to cry.

Fear, sadness, and agony achieved.

I don’t know how much longer I can take this!

Bored, looking for the next target to feel superior to.

I’m exhausted from this continued abuse.

I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF OVER THE EDGE TO FREEDOM.