life begins amongst strangers a start of birthed possibilities propelled without consent
entering this world
substantive expectations spur entities on with an unconscious hope for empathy and guidance
yet living is a potluck
one possibly enjoyed but for them probably not
filled with variables beyond their control
with only but a few moments bent favorably in their direction
the barely living trudge towards the inevitable a half-achieved existence for most
many pass with tears they leave in agony their death the unfortunate finish they’d not hoped for
years in the making substantive love denied fuckery freely given innocence betrayed
and disastrous endings inhaling the methane of my own shit lungs never quite breathing freely
almost at the end
sinking the lowest gave rise to aspiration and just like that, there was hope
Victoria Strukovskaya – Unsplash
Inspired by Sadje’s What do you see #81 & VJ’s Weekly Challenge – What could you talk about for 30 minutes without preparation?
thick green creepers
a beautiful cover on locked unit 28-5 the lush foliage slyly hides the horrors behind those doors
mutti wouldn’t approve
barring anyone entrance revealing her shameful secrets
**VJ’s prompt – For those who are unaware of my dysfunctional relationship with my mother, Mutti would be the topic I could speak about without preparation for at least 30 minutes, if not a lifetime.
She takes the large dish in hand
rinsing it well before feeding it to the dishwasher, noticing the stains in the sink.
With care and with rubber gloves,
she bleaches the darkness out of existence, being careful not to inhale the fumes.
Next, all the messes, in every room
awaiting her professional touch, laundry, toilets, floors and more.
It’s important to have it all in order,
she tells herself, a function of stability. A calm exterior belies the mess inside.
She’s become the facilitator of happiness,
taking care of everyone else’s this and that of expectations, a role of dependability.
What does it get her beyond the praise
left unspoken far too often in the doing and undoing in the messes of others?
It’s been said
“Cleanliness is next to godliness,” also “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely,” Nice sentiments. She just wants to be whole.
Too many times, she gave away too much of herself,
so that there’s nothing left, now that they have left her. She’s running on repetition and it’s all that she knows.
she was incapable
of doing what was right wasn’t moved to undo the damage her actions left behind
no empathy no compassion no connection
narcissists can’t be what we need
nor do what we deserve nor heal themselves enough to give us a desired remedy
it’s like time stood still
in the formation of their soul solid and impenetrable never truly warming to us
i ask myself bigger questions
as i near my end trying to predict what will remain into eternity
will i leave a legacy of uniqueness
perhaps inciting social awareness or just gracing this world with beauty
my hope is positive contributions linger on
being touchstones for future greats through impact, influence, and inspiration
for i know my aspiration
shaping dysfunction into being unimpaired has to mean something
only some children
can claim that life is easy only some adults have a life that is easy
for there are many whose dreams
shattered before their eyes heartbreak and heartache the sum of their existence
when what is spoken is not true
when deceit dominates yet forgiveness is expected escape to better living is excruciating
Inspired by Sadje’s What Do You See #65 & VJ’s Weekly Challenge – The Other Side
sealed away yet surrounding me
i face the fear
of their accusations examine them diligently
realizing that growth
was stunted by harsh admonitions borne in my youth
it was time to heal
and move on in order for love to remain
#Whatdoyousee Image credit – Simona Sergi @ Unsplash