Reblog – someday by Juansen Dizon

This made me reflect heavily on my upbringing. Coming from dysfunction sets you up for a lot of “undoing”. Sadly, there are so many who are still guided by their brokenness, continuing to hurt those around them.

Lonely Blue Boy

maxresdefaulti am looking forward 
to the day 
when my brokenness 
no longer controls my life.

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WWGD

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No, not What Would God Do. It’s all on you.

Much of our lives is undoing the damage we brought forth from our childhood into the adult version of us. For years we reacted from an uncomfortable emotional space, unconsciously inhabited, but seemingly normal. Angry, sad, desperate children trapped in a much taller and larger body. But is it possible we could picture how an adult would respond instead of opting for a knee jerk pitch from our past? Might the outcome be different? Even if we can’t always do the best thing in every situation, isn’t it worthy of a try? It would seem to be a good enough reason to make that conscious effort of saying to oneself, “What would a grown-up do?” precisely because continuing to repeat old patterns of behavior gets us nowhere.

Just a thought.

 

Elder

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death gifted me a new hierarchical level
a transition of status
deserved? maybe
definitely earned
especially in my family

accidental or age-related
expiring and passing the torch
a normal consequence of living
most times it’s hard
in my case, a good thing

finally having autonomy
the benefit of losing people
who held me back for years
death seems a good thing
#fight me

resentments let go of
feelings resolved
the chaos and drama over
by dying they
helped heal my old wounds

Opposing

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Cody Davis

coloring outside the lines
from early on
disciplined often
she didn’t play well with others

rebellious and obnoxious
loud and proud
seeking attention
needing to be heard

she found the majority
were not her clan
so proud to be dissentient
always doing things her way

mostly on the outside
peering in
headstrong and defiant
a breed born of dysfunction

but she was strong and capable
a mover and shaker
mystifying the competition
finding her peace anyway

For Show

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Elijah O’Donnell

cut flowers
damaged to project perfection

eventually, they’ll die
it’s not natural to live in glass

we were both cut in youth
damaged to project perfection

outside showed one thing
inside was a mess

both of us broken people
trying to get it right

hard knocks
every one a lesson

forced smiles
pressured lives

hard to bloom
when defeat is all you know

Ill-Made

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She was damaged by circumstance
against her will.

The patterns of dysfunction became habits of life.
She claimed her internal baggage to carry onward.

Life was always challenging.
The rewards were seemingly unattainable.

Happiness was strived for but just out of reach.
A bitter, lonely end was her destiny.

And inevitably, she ceased to exist.

Backlash

scars_of_self_hate_by_kapanihan-d8htjev
paintausea.deviantart.com

Guest post by Terry Susi

Just stop
Why can’t you see
I am already damaged

I am hurt
The fuse is ignited
Too late
There is no escaping
The blast

You can wrap me
In your arms
Keep the pieces
In place
Or hide
Behind your indifference
Hope the shards
Don’t slash you

I am done
It is over
I pick up the shrapnel
Now go
Lick your wounds

 

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Freedom From The Past

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“Dead family walking!”

The family was chaotic from day one.

They being an absentee, alcoholic father, and a probably-suffering-from-a-mental-illness mother not understanding love.

A child being cheated out of something before her existence had ever really begun.

So many unusual life lessons played out where mediocrity would flourish.

Determined small steps tested the authorities; she tried where she could.

Her willingness to rise above engaged with her persistently in the aftermath of their lives.

She took control of all in her realm, determined to do what was best.

The past is now safely in the rear-view mirror.

Today promised ever-increasing clarity going forward.