Necessary Rituals

 

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A sudden weariness takes hold of me.

Yawns escape with more frequency as the battle to fight them begins.

And the nightly ritual starts again.

I shut down the lights in the room and head in the direction of the soft place.

The companion water bottle and cell phone walk with me.

One last bathroom trip to empty the bladder and guide the toothbrush around in my mouth. A vigorous spit and done.

My clothing flies into the hamper, my glasses land on the makeup table.

Getting closer.

I delicately walk towards the bed avoiding the edges, protecting my toes.

I made it, sinking down into the cushiness of my bed. Ahhhh escapes my lips.

Just a few more things to do before I can meet the sandman again.

In pops the nighttime medication to do its work.

One last check on the cell phone. It’s off and charging.

Snuggling in to find the sweet spot which will comfort me best. It doesn’t take long.

Finally, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Slowly, my breathing finds an even pace.

And I begin to trail off in this life to end up in another.

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Painful Confusion

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Shocking upheaval delivered unexpectedly.

The heartache pounded harshly inward.

Internal distress burnt a tortuous red.

A deep cut surrounded by a million small tears.

The stress widened all the wounds.

Anguish and heartbreak followed.

The future, unending and suffering agony.

Sorrow and grief dictated the next steps for survival.

This daedal misery mimicked a slow death.

Love left in a upset heap, an untidy disarray of hurt.

This… this from someone who cherished commitment.

Mysterious Life

 

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An unending, voluminous vastness gave us life.

The purpose is anyone’s guess.

Life knows how to adapt when its environment preys on it. Survival is the by-product of encoded genetic material forcing nature to continue but also to thrive and even rise above within their given circumstances.

For what reason does life have a built-in switch to influence continuation of a species though? Where does this desire to continue on and evolve come from?

The reason is a mystery; one that has long been pondered since the beginning of existence. We can consciously think of these things now more than ever. Not that we have any answers yet as to why we exist and for what purpose.

So many smart people can write book after book and provide research to explain all the things we have learned. It’s a never-ending mountain of information that details so much of what was unknown before. It’s beyond comprehension for some, inspiring to others to know even more.

And yet, no answer for what the purpose of existence even is.

But in the end, does it even matter? Animals and insects will be guided somewhat by instinct, vegetation continually seeking to fulfill what has driven them for millennia – to not wither and die. Humans will continue to exist the best way they know how. Influences in life will force them to decide what that life will look like; it’s their choice.

Nature consciously decided to be here, and we’ll probably never know the answer why.

 

My Favorite Pair

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Jason and Ian, my precious babies.

Motherhood meant striving to give them the best of me they were deserving of then realizing they were rewarding me with more value than I had to offer.

Years of moments – delicious, frustrating, hurt, joyful, enlightening, spontaneous, fun, sad – quickly turned both into young men. Adults venturing out into the world, and away from me.

As new chapters develop in their lives, I’m looking forward to their stories, their adventures. As they offer the world the best of themselves, may life reciprocate and give back in abundance what they so richly deserve.

 

***the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

 

 

Humanoid

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TheNextWeb

Did you know that humans are genetically 99.9% identical? Well, it’s true! 7.6 billion people inhabit this world. Being one individual in this pool of many seems like we wouldn’t be that special. A human is pretty much just a human. Right?

Wrong! Look at the many layers of uniqueness that make up a human. We are defined by the various presentations or absence of such as…

hair color
political views
eyes
disposition
age
origin of birth
occupation
skin color
health
location
biological sex
gender identity
expressiveness
education
sexual preference
status
personality
style
religious belief

There are even more details to describe who we are as individuals. This short list only mentions the distinct feature we can see or might openly share with one another. Further identifying each characteristic makes each of us even more incredibly dissimilar.

Then add to that a lifetime of experiences which uniquely influence and potentially change our views and perspectives. It is unfathomable how many different human beings there have been, are currently and will be. Not one like any other, ever.

Don’t these facts alone make us supremely rare and our existence unprecedented?

I think so.

And for that, we should all walk a little taller and prouder.

Don’t you?

Cast Aside

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It’s cold and lonely next to you.
Freezing.
What to do, to break through?
Open up.
Let me in.

I can’t.
I hurt because of you.
You lied.
I cried.
Then I died.

I’ll change.
I promise.
You deserved better.
I know that now.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.

No.

Impact

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“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.”

Dalai Lama

I’ve frequently pondered things outside my own thought process because chronic thinking is what I do. To the point of exhaustion, at times. I don’t advise it, but this is how I’m built. Still learning to take the good with the bad.

Every moment I make a conscious contribution to this life, I’ll generally see an immediate outcome. But what’s next in the lives I have happened to touch? What steps do those people then take because of what I set in motion? Does it even matter or should I care, especially when quite possibly I don’t even know who I’ve affected?

We can’t predict the future but when we become aware how we affected others, would we stop to think the next time we attempted to take action? It seems quite logical that we could take a moment to seriously think through all possible outcomes or realistic assumptions before we make decisions affecting our future, and possibly those of others. All actions have consequences and ramifications. Honestly spoken though, I’m not so sure we would, at least not yet consistently. This explains some rather poor outcomes we see for people.

We all take steps in our lives that we deem necessary. Everyone one of us. Situations arise, and they require action. I don’t think any of us would disagree. A percentage of those people are likely to just react emotionally, not thinking at all. These would be the people who wouldn’t care one bit about what happens in the timelines of others. Frankly, they are more invested in their own hysteria and drama than others, or reality for that matter.

The group of people I’m talking about are those who genuinely and critically decide to make choices in their best interest. Do they generally take it one step further to see what the effect would be for others? Again, I’ll say, my opinion is no.

I think many of us are empathetic and also open-minded; I just don’t think we apply those traits very often when it comes to things involving us and our well-being. Our own best interest is at stake, that’s the point! When we are challenged to protect ourselves or make decisions affecting us, WE are the only ones we worry about! Rationally, biologically, emotionally – this makes sense. All you have to do is look around our world. Crises’ and wars that exist with no relief in sight are clues of our selfishness everywhere. But even in the face of what life looks like right now, I think it’s changing.

Looking at our history, seeing how life has progressed, there seem to be two steps forward, sometimes three steps back followed by six steps forward action. That is positive. So, I’m hopeful.

As we’ve evolved over time, it’s become evident that we are becoming more and more aware how we’re all connected to each other. We still have a long way to go before we become the kindest humans, but there is evidence that we are contemplating how we interact with each other in a less ego-driven way. I like that.

I just hope for my kid’s sake and all others who live beyond me that people in their lifetimes will help to improve all lives living on this blue ball.