Unobtrusive

Redux

Pixabay.com

I stayed in the background, letting you take center stage.

It’s what you needed.

It’s what I thought you wanted.

It’s what I thought I should do.

My needs took second fiddle.

They weren’t that important.

I was wrong.

You dick.

Originally posted 8/6/2018 on I Write Her.

Motion

Redux

Going towards 
Health, well-being, and stability 

Limbs are in motion to remain in the game. 
Emotions challenge us to rise above the harm. 
Intellect seeks progress to keep moving forward. 

Falling backward 
Illness, misery, and chaos 

Physical wavering, awaiting our fate. 
Succumbing to feelings, oppressed into inaction. 
Intelligence unable to keep up, a free-for-all ensuing. 

Which direction are you going? 

Originally published 7/25/2018 on I Write Her.

Nestled

Redux

There you are, hidden in the magic. 

The mystery of personhood waiting to evolve. 

Wishing to be found, but stuck deep within. 

Fear shutters the essence of being so much of the time. 

It takes courage to push off the debilitating, oppressive hand of inadequacy. 

Defeat gives us rage to rise up and out. 

Or not. 

Show our true selves or remain comfortably nestled within?

Originally published July 18, 2018 on I Write Her.

Gone Down

Inspired by Sadje’s What do you see #147

i watched the sun
slowly fade away
and everything around me
began to take on a dark hue

i experienced a sinking feeling
my body caving in on itself
the depression dragging me down

i yelled into the void
but no one could hear me

i couldn’t save myself

Smoldering

Redux

Pixabay.com

The unaddressed haunts the vitality of the future. 
A boiling, hot mess of resentment seething right below the surface. 
Repetitively protecting the external while the red-hot hatred burns. 
The barely suppressed rage remains coiled inside. 
Implosion imminent. 

Eventually, it will kill you. 

Originally posted on I Write Her 7/19/18

Hopelessness

Redux

in the clutches of this mental sinkhole
forced effort my only ally
my day is silent
with only slow tears and exhaustion
the bed, my refuge
the external world feels so far removed
from inside my womb of despair
dark, alone, and unwell
i need to stop sinking
or eventually, i will float

Beautiful Ugly

Redux

Originally published on I Write Her 5/24/18, presented here with revisions.

i’m simultaneously surrounded
by the good i enjoy
and all that i despise
life is a constant shifting of emotions
to achieve balance between distaste and harmony
looking for homeostasis
i hope i manage it
it gets difficult some days
at times, yin yang forces me
beyond my capabilities of juggling
then i struggle to keep both sides
from crashing into me
help!

Life Is Deaf

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 12/31/16, reposted with minor revisions 

Crying out in an I Don’t Care World.
The answer is silence. Crickets…

It doesn’t pay attention; life continues.

Understand that. Know it.
Try not to feel hurt by it.
Keep moving… one foot in front of the other.

Strength can come again. Just let it.
Don’t let the indifference of life determine if you’ll accept it.

Keep speaking despite the obvious disability of existence.
The beauty comes when you hear the truth you need.

In reality, life is not the teacher.
But you must be a willing student.

Longing For The Past

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 6/16/14. Posted on I Write Her on May 9, 2018, with slight revisions.

Zhong Yang Huang – Joy and sorrow

uninvited days of the past
appear at the door of my present
they push inside
to fill the heaviness in the room
a smile begins to form on my weary face
uninhibited laughter
passionate entanglements
mundane and easy tasks
all flickering a pretty picture
actively watching
the gloriously faded memories
now vividly replaying in my mind
but the door closes eventually
and i’m again
fully toiling in the sorrow
which summoned another life
tears, uninvited, fall silently
the wetness glazes over the joy
images from a previous time
return for safe-keeping
until my mind summons them
again

Reblogs – Jude Itakali & Lorraine Lewis

One is the agonizing ache of unrequited love, the other is the depth of experience when feeling cut off. It seems we are constantly wrestling with one form of isolation or another.

Secret Admirer by Jude Itakali

Is it your smile 
that dazzles me 
The softness of your voice 
that comforts me 
The light in your eyes 
scrying my future joys 
Am I selfish 
for thinking you are the answer 
Presumptuous 
for dreaming you can want me too 

I’d like to tell you- 
I’m under your spell 
I’d like to speak my mind 
with the melody from my heart 
I’d like to say, I love you 
But I cannot 
Lest I spook and alarm 
For already, 
You are too precious to lose 
And a little bit of you 
Is better than none at all 

Paramour of dreams 
Peculiar with perfection 
My heart surrenders 
betrothed and bound to love you 
Meant to be, Never to be 

Alone by Lorraine Lewis

Cut off 
A blanket black 
Between us none can see 
A box the walls of a prison 
Close in 
Stifle 
Alone in the box fear rising 
No one to hear a cry 
Awareness stings 
Of life 

Outside 
The box people 
Living lives chattering 
Unaware of the person in 
The box 
Beside 
Them dying gasping for breath one 
Breath but it is too late 
A corpse lies dead 
Staring