Necessary Tears

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another heartache
the drama du jour
feels like the crisis of a lifetime
pounded down by hardship again
residing in a personal hell

oh, what a fresh hot mess

it’s a life-long process
a roller coaster of emotions
learning to traverse the pain
facing the trepidation
yet again, overcoming the angst

the release must come

a torrential outpour
of pooled fear
a flood of wet anxiety
thin, clear lines of human sap
so many streams of liquid frustration

until it finishes

after the purge feeling
lost and light-headed
slightly dazed
still riding the after-shocks
mostly exhausted

hope blossoms again

it’s the duty of tears
they lay the groundwork
for repair
to an injured psyche
needing to become rational again

 

All Encompassing

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HK Photo Company – Unsplash

I recently read that the definition of love is liking, respecting and appreciating the authentic being of another. Aiding that person with cooperation during their life journey is another practice of loving someone. That sure sounds nice. But something that, on the surface, seems a little lacking when you think of how someone traditionally describes love. But let’s go with that for now.

Real friendships not only mean there are intense and deep feelings of like, respect and appreciation for each other but having real friends also means you enjoy that additional “I’ve got your back no matter what” mentality with them. Add to that, there is a level of honesty within that connection that occurs which you won’t find in connections more appropriately deemed acquaintances. Life would be harder for us if we didn’t have at least one of these kinds of friendship.

Intentional sexual connections can happen in isolated incidents, with fuck buddies or full-on committed relationships. Having these types of encounters are not only beneficial to us, but they are also enjoyable as well. Keep in mind, having any sexual encounter requires us to dictate what brings us pleasure in order for them to be satisfactory.

I’ve watched people talk about soulmates and “loving like I’ve never loved before” only to see it fizzle out fairly quickly. So were they either not in love, not friends or was it not understood that sex is fleeting and that in long term relationships without a committed effort, sex could become boring not understood to begin with? Of course, each relationship which comes to an end has many varied reasons for the demise but shouldn’t ones that we expect to be everlasting to have the qualities of love, real friendship, and sex?

And if we don’t have all these components as I mentioned above, why are we surprised that the relationships lacking one or more of them are possibly not as fulfilling as we’d like them to be?

I welcome your thoughts!

 

All The Rage

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Inspired by BrewNSpew Cafe – Cloister

cloistered
surrounded by many
the raw emotions
remain inside

oh, if only
one could
unfetter
and spew

there’s safety
remaining hidden
but danger
staying shushed

mental health
physical health
all in crisis
because of silence

what will it take
to emerge
to purge
to break free

Challenges

always tossed about
life’s waves pitching you around
riding out the storms

Attaining maturity gives you the ability to throw an anchor overboard at just the right times. It’s a knowing that life will be a wild ride but you’ll always be able to hang on. You understand that things will eventually calm down to where you can survive. And be in command of a bigger boat.

Lost In A Dream

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walking with no legs
the ground seen
but not there
feeling weighted
in this world
connected more
to the
brilliant
artistry
here in this illusion
i’m held fast

the grandeur
of alt-reality
rich colors
with a sublime vibe
abilities magnified
all a possibility
whacked and wonderful
stories
intense nightmares
fear, off the hook
alarming excitement

unexpected worlds
dances with the dead
fucking strangers
plot twists of the past
knowing the unknown
intense losses
highest joys
in the grey matter
the control
all mine
master of my universe

time to go back

 

The Art Of Being Self-Absorbed

Image result for narcissist

I was once called a narcissist. Unbelievable coming from a 30+ years old friend. 

I do understand what a narcissist is now, as I lived with one for 18 years. It happened to be my mother. I also know that I have been influenced by her behavior which in turn could lead me to mimic it at times. Understanding who she was and the impressions she left, forced me to look at myself diligently. There are many articles and so much information about this personality type. All of which I feel the need to read, to this day. Fear of becoming her is the biggest motivator. I’m ensuring I do not ever become the worst of who my mother was.

Bottom line, that ex-friend was full of shit. She was deflecting because, in reality, the narcissist in our relationship was her. I had basically traded one unhealthy relationship for another. A knee-jerk reaction, just reaching out for what was familiar. And it took me forever to figure that out.

Knowing what a narcissist is now has helped me understand why I have allowed so many others over the years with the same tendencies to become friends with me. They enmeshed themselves in my life so effortlessly only to watch as they abruptly and harshly disappointed me. They left some deep marks.

All have been hard lessons.

Needless to say, I work hard now at not repeating history.

Let Me Go

need strength to walk
away from pleasure and pain
the remnants of our past
keep me connected to you

my brain thunders
with the memories
of our souls being as one
the connection everlasting

a fleeting hope of resurrection
pins me to you still
a false statement of contrition
tires my commitment

stop playing games
with my affection
break this hold
if it’s not real

please let me break free

Inspired by Reena’s Exploration Challenge Week 63 
Image provided from post