Hopelessness

Redux

in the clutches of this mental sinkhole
forced effort my only ally
my day is silent
with only slow tears and exhaustion
the bed, my refuge
the external world feels so far removed
from inside my womb of despair
dark, alone, and unwell
i need to stop sinking
or eventually, i will float

Beautiful Ugly

Redux

Originally published on I Write Her 5/24/18, presented here with revisions.

i’m simultaneously surrounded
by the good i enjoy
and all that i despise
life is a constant shifting of emotions
to achieve balance between distaste and harmony
looking for homeostasis
i hope i manage it
it gets difficult some days
at times, yin yang forces me
beyond my capabilities of juggling
then i struggle to keep both sides
from crashing into me
help!

Life Is Deaf

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 12/31/16, reposted with minor revisions 

Crying out in an I Don’t Care World.
The answer is silence. Crickets…

It doesn’t pay attention; life continues.

Understand that. Know it.
Try not to feel hurt by it.
Keep moving… one foot in front of the other.

Strength can come again. Just let it.
Don’t let the indifference of life determine if you’ll accept it.

Keep speaking despite the obvious disability of existence.
The beauty comes when you hear the truth you need.

In reality, life is not the teacher.
But you must be a willing student.

Longing For The Past

Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 6/16/14. Posted on I Write Her on May 9, 2018, with slight revisions.

Zhong Yang Huang – Joy and sorrow

uninvited days of the past
appear at the door of my present
they push inside
to fill the heaviness in the room
a smile begins to form on my weary face
uninhibited laughter
passionate entanglements
mundane and easy tasks
all flickering a pretty picture
actively watching
the gloriously faded memories
now vividly replaying in my mind
but the door closes eventually
and i’m again
fully toiling in the sorrow
which summoned another life
tears, uninvited, fall silently
the wetness glazes over the joy
images from a previous time
return for safe-keeping
until my mind summons them
again

Reblogs – Jude Itakali & Lorraine Lewis

One is the agonizing ache of unrequited love, the other is the depth of experience when feeling cut off. It seems we are constantly wrestling with one form of isolation or another.

Secret Admirer by Jude Itakali

Is it your smile 
that dazzles me 
The softness of your voice 
that comforts me 
The light in your eyes 
scrying my future joys 
Am I selfish 
for thinking you are the answer 
Presumptuous 
for dreaming you can want me too 

I’d like to tell you- 
I’m under your spell 
I’d like to speak my mind 
with the melody from my heart 
I’d like to say, I love you 
But I cannot 
Lest I spook and alarm 
For already, 
You are too precious to lose 
And a little bit of you 
Is better than none at all 

Paramour of dreams 
Peculiar with perfection 
My heart surrenders 
betrothed and bound to love you 
Meant to be, Never to be 

Alone by Lorraine Lewis

Cut off 
A blanket black 
Between us none can see 
A box the walls of a prison 
Close in 
Stifle 
Alone in the box fear rising 
No one to hear a cry 
Awareness stings 
Of life 

Outside 
The box people 
Living lives chattering 
Unaware of the person in 
The box 
Beside 
Them dying gasping for breath one 
Breath but it is too late 
A corpse lies dead 
Staring 

Skilled Response Required

Redux

I Write Her

not-sure-if-overly-complicated-or-if-i-am-stupid

I’ve always said humans are both – detrimentally stupid and utterly complicated.

The wide variety of situations we find ourselves in and the sheer volume of inappropriate choices we make, show us time and time again we are. We depend on our feelings and instinct, and then stupidity inevitably makes an appearance. Full-on reaction mode.

The best stance to take in all complicated situations is to clearly and calmly reflect on what the hell occurred to create this current tizzy. Determining the next best, logical step to take would be most prudent.

It’s the guaranteed solution for less stupidity.

Complicated is a permanent state.

You’ll still need to buckle up.

View original post

Ripe

aching with sorrow and sadness
silently keeping in it
when, eventually the dam breaks
as chance moments
beckon forth deeply held emotions

tears spill quickly
because the lies
behind false smiles
of “i’m all right”
can’t help but break through the barrier
foolishly yet protectively erected

this water shed pinnacle of epic proportions
a facially distorting cataclysm
and puffy, snot producing event
this full-body aching outloud
it was inevitable
so predictable
it was necessary, to move on to healing



The Upside Of Being Down

frustration, anger, anxiety, and depression are our first defense
protecting us from the cruelty and rudeness the external
feelings alerting us our essence needs attention
a chord has been struck
signaling a path for recovery, for resolution

but we can feel a right mess if experienced in the extreme
time, medical intervention or patience could be necessary
to balance out what’s gone awry in life
what has us bump up against too much sometimes
out of our control, heaped on indiscriminately

these situations in our life will continue
accept you are only human and will feel
know that emotions are your defense mechanism
acknowledge them and work through them
come out the other side