I recently read that the definition of love is liking, respecting and appreciating the authentic being of another. Aiding that person with cooperation during their life journey is another practice of loving someone. That sure sounds nice. But something that, on the surface, seems a little lacking when you think of how someone traditionally describes love. But let’s go with that for now.
Real friendships not only mean there are intense and deep feelings of like, respect and appreciation for each other but having real friends also means you enjoy that additional “I’ve got your back no matter what” mentality with them. Add to that, there is a level of honesty within that connection that occurs which you won’t find in connections more appropriately deemed acquaintances. Life would be harder for us if we didn’t have at least one of these kinds of friendship.
Intentional sexual connections can happen in isolated incidents, with fuck buddies or full-on committed relationships. Having these types of encounters are not only beneficial to us, but they are also enjoyable as well. Keep in mind, having any sexual encounter requires us to dictate what brings us pleasure in order for them to be satisfactory.
I’ve watched people talk about soulmates and “loving like I’ve never loved before” only to see it fizzle out fairly quickly. So were they either not in love, not friends or was it not understood that sex is fleeting and that in long term relationships without a committed effort, sex could become boring not understood to begin with? Of course, each relationship which comes to an end has many varied reasons for the demise but shouldn’t ones that we expect to be everlasting to have the qualities of love, real friendship, and sex?
And if we don’t have all these components as I mentioned above, why are we surprised that the relationships lacking one or more of them are possibly not as fulfilling as we’d like them to be?
always tossed about
life’s waves pitching you around
riding out the storms
Attaining maturity gives you the ability to throw an anchor overboard at just the right times. It’s a knowing that life will be a wild ride but you’ll always be able to hang on. You understand that things will eventually calm down to where you can survive. And be in command of a bigger boat.
I was once called a narcissist. Unbelievable coming from a 30+ years old friend.
I do understand what a narcissist is now, as I lived with one for 18 years. It happened to be my mother. I also know that I have been influenced by her behavior which in turn could lead me to mimic it at times. Understanding who she was and the impressions she left, forced me to look at myself diligently. There are many articles and so much information about this personality type. All of which I feel the need to read, to this day. Fear of becoming her is the biggest motivator. I’m ensuring I do not ever become the worst of who my mother was.
Bottom line, that ex-friend was full of shit. She was deflecting because, in reality, the narcissist in our relationship was her. I had basically traded one unhealthy relationship for another. A knee-jerk reaction, just reaching out for what was familiar. And it took me forever to figure that out.
Knowing what a narcissist is now has helped me understand why I have allowed so many others over the years with the same tendencies to become friends with me. They enmeshed themselves in my life so effortlessly only to watch as they abruptly and harshly disappointed me. They left some deep marks.
All have been hard lessons.
Needless to say, I work hard now at not repeating history.