awake and alert the mind focuses on the tasks at hand thoughts aligned to achieve results
i am pleased
day dreams slip in swirling from one fantasy to the next thoughts drifting in pleasure
i am captured
sleep beckons my attention wide awake with intrusion no, thankfully not tonight thoughts cease momentarily
i am relieved
nightmares force me awake jumbling incoherent images rousing heart-pumping emotions thoughts gone haywire and weird
i am frightened
always pondering images, words, feelings flitting in and about never-ending and overbearing
sometimes...they land on paper
chapters closed and resolved
they remain in my heart and mind
not quite addressed, fearful of consequences
i yell them at the hologram before me
the need to purge anger arises
they land on my cheeks
the need to feel overwhelms
i push them into the deep recesses, locked away
remaining hidden from myself
dark feelings engulf trepidation clouds senses imprisons present
inner core ruptures scorching lava sizzles out wreaks crimson umbrage
quintessence consumed drowned in infernal abyss extinct emotions
a veneer disguise contrived emotions displayed dubious motives
lonesome soul cringes a foreboding gloom pervades silent cry echoes
Radhika’s writings reflect her thoughts and ruminations on life. While she mostly writes poetry, her blog Radhika’s Reflection is a potpourri of photographs, prose, and musings. She recently published her first book of haiku and poetry titled Eclectic Verses, which is available on Amazon.
Joy feels like exposure to the harshest elements. In showing it you become a pawn in the game of advantage like taken of that is.
Allowing happiness to make an appearance, well, that’s just a sin. “Be humble, accept things with grace,” they said. As they shushed my feelings out of jealousy.
Feeling like a kernel doubling in size, well, that’s just ruinous. “Let’s not have a grandiose, public display,” they said. As they swatted my butt out of anger.
Having intensity acknowledged on the surface, well, that’s just suicide. “Behave yourself!” they said. As they locked me away with a pious vengeance.
Where did it ever get me to give a voice to what bubbles up happy tears and excitement? Hide your feelings, stomp them down reactions was all I ever got. Because no one really wanted to meet the real me.