Redux
Oh, Tazanna. I see you.
What a sublime vision.
My mind’s eye sees your majesty.
The glorious, the superb, the marvelous,
And the million other adjectives describing your presence.
I’m there reveling in it.
Swept away but immobile.
Will you notice me?
Originally published 8/29/2018 on I Write Her.
Redux
i feel the incessant battles
of internal opposing forces
my personal war
feelings clashing
emotions raging
peace alluding me
rational thoughts tip-toe in intermittently
it’s a daily challenge
every minute
of every day
seeking tranquility in the chaos
hoping for a forced equilibrium
but usually tossed about by my innate human nature
developing intentional maturity
gains me some stability
slow and teetering baby steps
in the direction of wisdom
age and experience lend a hand
slowing down the urge to take up arms
so fed up
and just tired and weary
the beginning of acceptance
or true insight
not really sure
the continual striving for harmony during this brief stint
a life well-lived
i hope
with death comes peace
ending a lifetime of struggle
balancing the scales
i will not know it though
sure doesn’t seem fair
Originally published 8/13/2018 on I Write Her. Reposted with revisions.
Redux
I stayed in the background, letting you take center stage.
It’s what you needed.
It’s what I thought you wanted.
It’s what I thought I should do.
My needs took second fiddle.
They weren’t that important.
I was wrong.
You dick.
Originally posted 8/6/2018 on I Write Her.
Redux
Going towards
Health, well-being, and stability
Limbs are in motion to remain in the game.
Emotions challenge us to rise above the harm.
Intellect seeks progress to keep moving forward.
Falling backward
Illness, misery, and chaos
Physical wavering, awaiting our fate.
Succumbing to feelings, oppressed into inaction.
Intelligence unable to keep up, a free-for-all ensuing.
Which direction are you going?
Originally published 7/25/2018 on I Write Her.
Redux
There you are, hidden in the magic.
The mystery of personhood waiting to evolve.
Wishing to be found, but stuck deep within.
Fear shutters the essence of being so much of the time.
It takes courage to push off the debilitating, oppressive hand of inadequacy.
Defeat gives us rage to rise up and out.
Or not.
Show our true selves or remain comfortably nestled within?
Originally published July 18, 2018 on I Write Her.
Inspired by Sadje’s What do you see #147
i watched the sun
slowly fade away
and everything around me
began to take on a dark hue
i experienced a sinking feeling
my body caving in on itself
the depression dragging me down
i yelled into the void
but no one could hear me
i couldn’t save myself
Redux
The unaddressed haunts the vitality of the future.
A boiling, hot mess of resentment seething right below the surface.
Repetitively protecting the external while the red-hot hatred burns.
The barely suppressed rage remains coiled inside.
Implosion imminent.
Eventually, it will kill you.
Originally posted on I Write Her 7/19/18
Redux
in the clutches of this mental sinkhole
forced effort my only ally
my day is silent
with only slow tears and exhaustion
the bed, my refuge
the external world feels so far removed
from inside my womb of despair
dark, alone, and unwell
i need to stop sinking
or eventually, i will float
Redux
Originally published on I Write Her 5/24/18, presented here with revisions.
i’m simultaneously surrounded
by the good i enjoy
and all that i despise
life is a constant shifting of emotions
to achieve balance between distaste and harmony
looking for homeostasis
i hope i manage it
it gets difficult some days
at times, yin yang forces me
beyond my capabilities of juggling
then i struggle to keep both sides
from crashing into me
help!
Redux
Originally published PhiloSusi 12/31/16, reposted with minor revisions
Crying out in an I Don’t Care World.
The answer is silence. Crickets…
It doesn’t pay attention; life continues.
Understand that. Know it.
Try not to feel hurt by it.
Keep moving… one foot in front of the other.
Strength can come again. Just let it.
Don’t let the indifference of life determine if you’ll accept it.
Keep speaking despite the obvious disability of existence.
The beauty comes when you hear the truth you need.
In reality, life is not the teacher.
But you must be a willing student.
I Write Her 