Half Open

fear keeps us silent mostly
the expression of needs rare
we remain stoic above all else

fear keeps us panicked always
internally we are a mess
externally no one would know it

fear keeps us shackled mostly
wounds so easily reopened
when secrets are shared

fear keeps us lonely always
in the interior of our souls
giving a small bit but revealing nothing

fear keeps us all to itself



I Write Her

UntitledExplaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation by Sabrina Benaim

A  most productive exclamation of feelings.

For the delivery of, but also being a witness to.

I was reminded how emotional outbursts can be an easing of my burden.

After existence becomes too much, sometimes only rage and tears

can get me back to center.

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Reblog – brain mess

Been there, done that. So many times. You?

Breaking the silence

brick wall exploding inside of my head

idea, a thought,

a thousand ideas more

desires under layers, long forgotten fires

what if’s,

hopes, dreams

the pain

whatever I try, I can’t

there’s a war on my mind

and nothing can’t help me right now.

Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya on Pexels.com

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With Manic Efficiency

She takes the large dish in hand
rinsing it well before feeding it to the dishwasher,
noticing the stains in the sink.

With care and with rubber gloves,
she bleaches the darkness out of existence,
being careful not to inhale the fumes.

Next, all the messes, in every room
awaiting her professional touch,
laundry, toilets, floors and more.

It’s important to have it all in order,
she tells herself, a function of stability.
A calm exterior belies the mess inside.

She’s become the facilitator of happiness,
taking care of everyone else’s this and that
of expectations, a role of dependability.

What does it get her beyond the praise
left unspoken far too often
in the doing and undoing in the messes of others?

It’s been said “Cleanliness is next to godliness,”
also “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely,”
Nice sentiments. She just wants to be whole.

Too many times, she gave away too much of herself,
so that there’s nothing left, now that they have left her.
She’s running on repetition and it’s all that she knows.

Reblog – Letting go my company #4 by Hemalatha Ramesh

Very powerful read especially if you know people who suffer from anxiety or have dealt with it yourself. It’s certainly a complicated relationship.


this feeling is something that my words can’t describe,
but I hide them in between every phrases and sentences,
you make my pity heart carry loads of unknown pain,
it beats fast and faster, overworking most of the times.
you are like an anchor,
who holds me tight from moving
you keep dragging me down and down
what falls along with me?
my confidence.
your voice is very loud and puts off my feelings or aggravates it to higher levels,
when people enjoy the tour in train
you make me think what if the train crashes as in the movies,
when they rehearse their speech,
I spend time washing my sweaty hands,
they give me names:
overthinker, disturbed, distressed and so on…
you made my nights longer and deeper,
our love was a game of Jenga;
we are independent, but together we lead to many things.
you’re not a…

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already exhausted upon awakening
the day begins anew

while the brain is slow
the body is even slower

what weighs me down
isn’t easily lifted

for my body and soul
took a deep hit

just trying to stay afloat for now
living is on hold

when the dark veil has lifted
and the heart is healed

i’ll arise more determined
with hope in my eyes

Through The Looking Glass: Reflecting on Madness and Chaos Within – An Indie Blu(e) Publishing Anthology – 3 pieces were accepted!!

I am so pleased that Senior Editors Candice Louisa Daquin and Kindra M. Austin, and Editor-in-Chief Christine E. Ray have accepted three of my pieces for this amazing Anthology! I submitted Downpour, Ennui, and Going Down hoping I adequately captured what they were looking for and they did! What a wonderful feeling!

This anthology is a collection of pieces which describe the experiences of “those who are living, or have struggled, with mental illness such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, personality disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, or psychotic disorders.” My experiences, and observations of others, with anxiety and depression over the years were the inspiration for pieces I wrote.

Indie Blu(e) Publishing has produced so many other noteworthy anthologies and publications. They feature many strong voices and talent. I highly recommend you check them out for yourself. The two books below also contain several pieces of mine.

I will keep you posted when the anthology is published sometime in the Spring of 2021!


like a candle melting
hot little piecemeal pontifications
emerge from between the edge of lips

they’ll singe and sting for a bit
one utterance forward and two psychosis’ back
to a place where anxiety takes the reigns again

add in a bit of depression
where the blackness overrides the chaos
sleep becoming a refuge

like a candle doused
this flame inside extinguished
a life rising up as dead-smelling smoke