Hot Breath In A Cold Room

laying on her side
focusing outside herself
outside the window
at the moon

him on her bed
crushing down
on her youth
babbling incoherently

close to her face
intimate, like she’s his wife
exhaling utterances
laced with beer

scaring this ten year old
into a world
for which she was not equipped
fear gripping every inch of her

‘leave already’ she wishes to herself
not knowing what to do
when he, whom she trusts,
severs the line of decency

*Note – While this was a true event, the child was not raped, thank goodness. However, it left some emotional scars, and trust was broken as certain boundaries were crossed.

Byproduct

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pxhere.com

i kept your sins sheltered within
you felt no shame, no guilt
the harm you unleashed on me
new scars, freshly laid, bloody patterns
wounds unhealing inside me always raw
the pain withered me into submission
your burden to bear by chance
my penance for choice of heart

but rage will emerge, so beware
for every injury, insult, and humiliation
there will be justice inflicted severely
bloody eye for my bloodied eye
painful welts you’ll receive from strangers
lawless games played for your ways
brutality and cruelty like i received
i’ll see you caged just like me

you made me what i am

We Don’t Know Until We Do

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Sad
So sad
Drawn to drama

Sucked in
By struggles felt
Empathy always given freely

Listened so patiently
Of course, comfort supplied
All needs are met immediately

Yet another tragedy appears
Tears, pain, the ugly cry
The solutions are found yet again

Now a different dire situation
A heightened angst flares so dramatically
The savior came when called, getting exhausted

Good advice, time and effort wasted
The pattern continues to repeat, not ending
Only in your world is life unjustly brutal

I’m truly feeling used, abused and recycled
It seems there is just no insight ever
Again being let off the hook from personal chaos

Why couldn’t I see it in the beginning
My heart bleeds so easily seeing other people’s pain
Damn narcissist, fooled again, I must be a slow learner

Feeling The Pain

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empathy is like a curse
hurting and loving
at the same time
the sounds of cruelty
sing an ugly song
the images scorch my eyes
my strength within
subsides
as my body succumbs to emotions
pain is magnified
as the suffering continues
unkind people
saying one thing
doing another
nothing but liars
abuse of all forms
killing innocence
harming possible futures
the evil sleep well
recounting their deeds
the sufferers of their wickedness do not
grieving with the harmed
wrap them in my being
losing respect and hope for this world
and aching for the vulnerable

Your Toy

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This is your game.
You created the rules.
I just follow them.

I gave up my drive,
and my autonomy
to allow you to direct me.

Decision made for a life given up.
It’s insane.
Who chooses that? I did.

Why?

Scared to be alone,
frightened to live,
hard to find my way.

I let you.
You owned me.
You don’t care.

Fuck me

Distorted

 

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Oleksandr Kurchev

waves of hate
inward and out

years of betrayal
misuse and mishandling

all that is wrong
is not righted

all that has healed
is not pretty

all that is pretty
is a mask we wear

the back side of smiles
hiding the ugly scars

where is the beauty
in you or in me