Unbalanced

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There is bliss found in your open and welcoming arms.
It is possible this fairy tale is not a lie.
Time will tell, giving up your secrets, showing the truth.
The first crack in this loving picture makes an appearance.
Another blow delivered to the illusion of perfection in matrimony.
I’m tired of your strengthening love making me feel weak.
My building annoyance and your anger force a petty showdown.
Geez, here we go again, “another one bites the dust!”
Story of my life – first happy, then angry, now sad.
Time to pick up the pieces and find some balance.

 

Thanks for the inspiration, Von!

Love’s Futility

Knowing you by peekabooitsjeru

Knowing you, hurt me.
Knowing you, brought pain.
Knowing you, felt great at once.
Knowing you, made me happy.

But in the end,
Knowing you, drove me insane.

Please set me free by hecblogger

I don’t love you anymore
my dear, please set me free
please move on, I implore
I don’t love you anymore
whatever it was, is no more
this dead love let’s bury
I don’t love you anymore
my dear, please set me free

 

I found these sentiments on July 12, 2019, by two separate people about the almost identical concept. It’s one many of us who inhabit this earth has faced at one time or another. I’ve sat with both pieces for about two months now and this is the conclusion I’ve reached…

 

I will add that it only applies to some loves. 🙂

I Lose, I Triumph

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i was worthy
of a better, happier life
than you deemed
i was going to live

every time
my name
comes up
i hope
you choke on it
with irritation

that’s what you deserve
a lifelong
aversion
to the utterance
of what once
so effortlessly
came across your lips

i hope
it makes
your body
fill with pins and needles
whose friction
tears you up
on the inside

you
the creator
of your destruction

i walk away
comfortably
knowing
you’ll bleed
from the inside

i
am better
without you

**Originally published in Feeling Human Dec 2017. Presented here with revisions.

Conclusions

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Do people really see who we are or only what they need from us? Are friendships genuinely based on the affection of those characteristics which appeal the most or are they based on a mutual give and take of needs? These are the questions this meme prompted in me. Time to do some research!

I asked ten friends/family to describe me in ten words. Only one didn’t respond, the rest sent their thoughts to me within hours or days. Thank you for participating!

Evaluating their responses, the following interesting factoids emerged!

  • There were 90 words used to describe me, plus 7 bonus words.
  • 5 out of the 9 said I was passionate – the 1 word 56% agreed on and 1 word in my list of top 5 self-identified traits!
  • There were 5 words I totally disagreed with, but 4 people thought it of me.
  • The 1 person who I thought would ace this, didn’t say the 1 thing most people were right about nor use any of the terms which were my top 10.
  • Out of the 90 words, 33% said 18 words that I would 100% agree with.
  • Only 2 people identified the 2 words – meticulous & organized – that are TRULY 100% me.
  • 1 person (and it wasn’t one of my children) said I was motherly.
  • 1 person nailed 4 terms I list as my 10 self-identified traits.
  • 1 person nailed 3       ”                               ”                            “
  • 5 people nailed 2        ”                               ”                            “
  • 1 person nailed 1       ”                               ”                            “

Do the questions I asked originally get answered with the data I collected? Yeah, I would say they do. When I look at each individual’s responses and our relationship, they seem to have described what they see in me, not what they take from me. None of the relationships I have feel unbalanced. They are kind and mutually beneficial but not for the gain of material things or taking one another for granted. Our relationships work for each other’s sanity and comfort.

So what does this all really mean? I honestly think who I’ve surrounded myself with people who genuinely think these good things about me, and for that I’m grateful. Are they 100% right? No, but for the most part, they are. What is shows me is that I have displayed these sorts of traits, and for that, I’m proud to have turned out to be someone as they have described.

Layers

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remove my skin
it’s superficial anyways
what you see
isn’t always what you get
especially
when i don’t know you
well maybe
it depends on you

what’s inside
is what i decide
to share
you’ll need
to have earned
the privilege
of getting
to know me

… many won’t because all i see of you is what’s on the outside