I leave a little bit of me wherever I go.
I recently read that the definition of love is liking, respecting and appreciating the authentic being of another. Aiding that person with cooperation during their life journey is another practice of loving someone. That sure sounds nice. But something that, on the surface, seems a little lacking when you think of how someone traditionally describes love. But let’s go with that for now.
Real friendships not only mean there are intense and deep feelings of like, respect and appreciation for each other but having real friends also means you enjoy that additional “I’ve got your back no matter what” mentality with them. Add to that, there is a level of honesty within that connection that occurs which you won’t find in connections more appropriately deemed acquaintances. Life would be harder for us if we didn’t have at least one of these kinds of friendship.
Intentional sexual connections can happen in isolated incidents, with fuck buddies or full-on committed relationships. Having these types of encounters are not only beneficial to us, but they are also enjoyable as well. Keep in mind, having any sexual encounter requires us to dictate what brings us pleasure in order for them to be satisfactory.
I’ve watched people talk about soulmates and “loving like I’ve never loved before” only to see it fizzle out fairly quickly. So were they either not in love, not friends or was it not understood that sex is fleeting and that in long term relationships without a committed effort, sex could become boring not understood to begin with? Of course, each relationship which comes to an end has many varied reasons for the demise but shouldn’t ones that we expect to be everlasting to have the qualities of love, real friendship, and sex?
And if we don’t have all these components as I mentioned above, why are we surprised that the relationships lacking one or more of them are possibly not as fulfilling as we’d like them to be?
I welcome your thoughts!
The sun is starting to slip below the clouds — another day at its end.
I glance out my window.
All I see is peace. And the balloon wavering silently.
All I hear is the wind and my thoughts.
After a long day, I’m grateful to have found my way back home to the sky. Away from the rat race.
This wooden refuge does connect me, but I am far above all the noises and struggles from down below.
The clouds nestle me and silence the stress and hectic of the world.
And I’m calm again.
For most of the world, it feels to me that people treat New Year’s like it’s about starting over; for me, it’s another day in the timeline. It doesn’t hold a fascination for me to celebrate or even get nostalgic about. I either continue in the same direction or travel down a new path. When I look back and reflect on the previous years, it’s more about what I have learned, what I’ve done, have I felt good or bad, and what would I like to accomplish in my future. Mostly, it’s something I do every day, not just at the end of the year. I guess they call that “what drives me.” For the most part, I knew which direction was I heading before the end of the last year.
This post today is my way of sharing what I’ve accomplished of my previous goals set but what I think are the answers to these questions – where do I want to go, what do I want to achieve and who do I look like in the future. It’s something I do for my continued existence for not only this year but beyond.
For my followers who were with me last year, you know that I fulfilled my goal of posting every day. I primarily did this to challenge myself, but it was also a way to learn more about poetry. And boy, was it! But oh what fun I had! Because I was so diligent, I learned so much about poetry, other writers, other styles and managed to work through a lot of emotional stuff too. Imagine a rubber band ball – thousands of bands representing new ideas, discoveries, tales, emotions, and more, and you’ll get the gist of what I was wrapped up in all year long. It was lovely!
Writing every day also led to the idea of publishing my second book – Every Day I Pause. Look for announcements soon about the release date! The goal was to have it available at the end of last year, but then I got sick shortly before Christmas. Don’t you love it when life hands you a detour? I don’t. Unfortunately, I did not recover until right before New Year’s. But I am excited to share this with you in 2019!
You’ve probably noticed that I updated the I Write Her banner photo. My mission is still the same – presenting written forms of my humanity – but I’m feeling a lot more fluid rather than square and rigid at the moment. Hence the shapeless feel of the image I chose. The previous one was intentionally more rigid to showcase my goal of being very deliberate and intentional about my writing during 2018. The banner will presumably change should my mood or purpose take on another shift.
I also made the decision to stop all WordPress ads on my site by upgrading with a paid plan they offer. The goal is so you won’t be distracted. I want you to enjoy the subscription. I’m committed to ensuring that everyone, be they occasional readers, followers or fans, have a rich experience here.
Now let me share where my initial intentions on I Write Her took me this past year. My goal was at the very least to have the readers from previous blogs join me here and hopefully grow it beyond the six followers I had with an average of 10 views per day. The WordPress community surprised me, and I mean surprised me big! At the end of 2018, I Write Her had 739 followers and over 14,100 views. The comments, the support, the love and generosity of the readership humbles me but also has given me more confidence than I ever thought possible. I struggled for a long time even calling myself a writer. But the support given me here has cemented it for me now. For that, I thank you all so very much!
Something that I’m tossing around in my braincase is the idea of collaborating with other authors/writers. Having participated in many challenges this past year, I enjoyed the creativity flowing out of me but also seeing the imaginations and skill levels of others excel when they were prompted to accept the challenges of other writers. My gut is telling me Let’s do this! I’ve not quite figured it all out yet, but I will be creating a challenge called “Interpretations.” I’ll explain more as I’ve worked out the kinks for my vision on it. Watch for a future post detailing how to participate! I’m looking forward to seeing writers rise to the challenge. 🙂
This year and beyond, my focus will continue to be on those posts which have a burning desire to get out of me. I do not think this will occur every day though, so you’ll probably see a little less of me. And I think I may actually take a short break as of today. Not sure how long yet but enough to let me feel like I can catch my breath. Rest assured, I will continue to read all my favorite blogs during this hiatus! But know that when I return, the content of my posts will be relevant. I’m feeling like there will be more intentional, immediate subjects that need to be addressed rather than just being creative. But I’ve also decided to contribute more to other venues as a means to expose myself to different platforms and their audiences. Writing outside of IWH will take me away from posting every day. But the hope is stepping into other areas of writing will continue to grow the readership here. Quite possibly it will also draw some fans to Patreon helping to support me financially. In other words, help me to keep living out my dream! Thank you in advance, should you choose to go down that path with me.
So let’s do what the title of this post says and Party like it’s 2019!!! WOOT WOOT
always tossed about
life’s waves pitching you around
riding out the storms
Attaining maturity gives you the ability to throw an anchor overboard at just the right times. It’s a knowing that life will be a wild ride but you’ll always be able to hang on. You understand that things will eventually calm down to where you can survive. And be in command of a bigger boat.
*deep sorrowful sigh
I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
I didn’t succeed in saving you from your fate.
You’re broken now. The trust is gone, and so are your reserves. Your faith in love is shattered. It seems utterly unbelievable to have made it to this place of darkness. But you’re here now… and I’m hurting with you, dearest.
Oh pain, please just go away! Leave him alone. The agony is too much for tender shoulders to bear. Ease up… I beg you.
You’ll get through this, people say. It doesn’t feel like that when you’re in the thick of it though. But know this… I’m here till the tears stop rolling, the deep ache subsides and the reality of moving on alone becomes easier to accept. Whatever you need, love… I promise.
I’m here for you. Always.
*Originally published on PhiloSusi 4/17/16
I was once called a narcissist. Unbelievable coming from a 30+ years old friend.
I do understand what a narcissist is now, as I lived with one for 18 years. It happened to be my mother. I also know that I have been influenced by her behavior which in turn could lead me to mimic it at times. Understanding who she was and the impressions she left, forced me to look at myself diligently. There are many articles and so much information about this personality type. All of which I feel the need to read, to this day. Fear of becoming her is the biggest motivator. I’m ensuring I do not ever become the worst of who my mother was.
Bottom line, that ex-friend was full of shit. She was deflecting because, in reality, the narcissist in our relationship was her. I had basically traded one unhealthy relationship for another. A knee-jerk reaction, just reaching out for what was familiar. And it took me forever to figure that out.
Knowing what a narcissist is now has helped me understand why I have allowed so many others over the years with the same tendencies to become friends with me. They enmeshed themselves in my life so effortlessly only to watch as they abruptly and harshly disappointed me. They left some deep marks.
All have been hard lessons.
Needless to say, I work hard now at not repeating history.
“Mama!” screeched little Jennie.
“Yes, dear. What’s up?” yelled Dana, her mom, from the kitchen as she continued to focus on making lunch from the kitchen.
“My nooth sis hoot. Sall reb!” came the answer back from the living room.
“That’s nice, honey! Lunch is almost ready, come to the kitchen table, please.” said her mom as she scraped the spread on the sandwich.
Jennie walked up behind her mom and tugged on her shirt.
Dana turned around and screamed.
“OHHHH!!! JENNIE, WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!?!” as she jammed a big glob of Nutella into Jennie’s nose to stop the massive bleeding.
**This was a dare from my husband to incorporate a childhood favorite into a story along with children and orifices. LOL