Redux
my past returns
up in my future
like hot juice
down my throat
it burns
this becomes something else
tainted and wrong
desperate attempts
at rising above
at feeling less defiled
sullied and broken
once again
first time, shame on him
second time, shame on me
a third time won’t happen
Originally posted 4/14/2019 on I Write Her.
there is an underworld hiding in relationships
like the place of departed souls in hades
it’s weakness
maybe he didn’t mean to hurt you
or abuse your trust
but he did
his deeds were intentional
his needs, desires, and wants came first
like you didn’t matter
his love is an illusion
a lie you can’t believe in anymore
Redux
where once was substance
a hollow shell
in its place
love bounces off
not even a response
anymore
kindness is foreign
after the tragedy
of betrayal
this voluminous space
of emptiness
is home now
Originally posted 2/7/2019 on I Write Her.
Redux
waves of hate
inward and out
years of betrayal
misuse and mishandling
all that is wrong
is not righted
all that has healed
is not pretty
all that is pretty
is a mask we wear
the back side of smiles
hiding the ugly scars
where is the beauty
in you or in me
Originally published 10/27/2018 on I Write Her.
Inspired by Reena’s Xploration Challenge #290 &
Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Noncommital
one lie does not erase a thousand truths
the memories of joy we’d created
the pasts we thought we’d heal in unison
the children we’ve raised together
the future we hoped to embody as one
allowing that lie in
letting it multiply
showed me something insidious
being noncommittal broke our foundation of trust
that one lie changed us forever
Redux
It took my last bit of strength to pick up every last bit of shredded me off the floor.
Left with bloody fragments of a torn heart, a distorted mind, and a shaken psyche.
My existence, Picasso’s The Weeping Woman feel to it.
Feeling awkwardly out of place and lost in my space.
I had to recalibrate; I needed to rebuild.
Now I’m new and different, possibly improved.
A little wiser for the wear; a lot harder around the edges.
More protective of me, not so naive anymore.
Self-preservation took me to new heights.
I’m back and ready.
Don’t ever hurt me again.
Originally published 9/9/2018 on I Write Her.
Redux
You got close to me in a way I’d never felt before.
Your sensual touch took my breath away.
Your fingers left a trail of goosebumps down every bit of my body.
You bathed me in love and surrounded me with comfort.
Your kisses left me weak and all in.
We played well for years.
We fought the world and won.
We ensured the next generation felt loved.
We made a home.
We had joy.
They looked in and saw happiness.
They were envious.
They felt we got love right.
They tried to catch our affection.
They wished they were us.
Then…
I was missing the love.
I felt bereft.
I ached for you.
I waited for you.
I wanted you still.
She insinuated herself into our love.
She was bright, shiny and new.
She was trouble.
She got in our way.
She destroyed us.
He saw my worth.
He proclaimed his desire.
He soothed my pain.
He eased my tears.
He was my friend.
It forced honesty.
It helped me find understanding.
It propelled me into a new reality.
It changed me.
It saved me.
Me, I got a lot of work to do.
Me, figuring things out.
Me, facing all my demons.
Me, fighting for myself.
Me, getting it all right.
Us, starting again.
Us, hurting all over to fix our love.
Us, going forward and taking two steps back.
Us, loving each other anyway.
Us, doing it together.
Originally published 8/26/2018 on I Write Her.
Silent deception
Confident chicanery
You smiling bastard
Hard hit to the heart
Foreign reality now
Weight of lies broke me
Forever altered
Gazillion hurt pieces
Difficult to breathe
Difficult to live
Struggling to survive in pain
Dark for a long time
Originally published 8/17/2018 on I Write Her.
Inspired by Sadje’s What do you see #162
past deeds do haunt you
ultimatums were given
rectify actions
Redux
Involved. There. With me.
Right.
So far removed from reality.
I know.
You don’t.
Still fighting the wrong things.
Proudly arrogant.
You go, boy.
You lose, boy.
Growing weary.
Moving on.
Originally published 8/7/2018 on I Write Her.
I Write Her 