Torn

Published on by Susi Bocks

Redux

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i feel the incessant battles
of internal opposing forces
my personal war

feelings clashing
emotions raging
peace alluding me
rational thoughts tip-toe in intermittently

it’s a daily challenge
every minute
of every day

seeking tranquility in the chaos
hoping for a forced equilibrium
but usually tossed about by my innate human nature

developing intentional maturity
gains me some stability
slow and teetering baby steps
in the direction of wisdom

age and experience lend a hand
slowing down the urge to take up arms
so fed up
and just tired and weary

the beginning of acceptance
or true insight
not really sure

the continual striving for harmony during this brief stint
a life well-lived
i hope

with death comes peace
ending a lifetime of struggle
balancing the scales

i will not know it though
sure doesn’t seem fair

Originally published 8/13/2018 on I Write Her. Reposted with revisions.

13 thoughts on “Torn”

  2. I find it interesting that your words from 2018 are still applicable today. I’ve brought back several of my poems from 2017 and 2018 which seem so apt for today’s world. Excellent writing, Susi.

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    1. It’s the beauty of humanity, I think! What attracted me to poetry is even those back going back to ancient times echoed many of the same thoughts we have today. We really are human and all the times we live in don’t change that fact, only our technology keeps up. :) Thanks, Eugenia!

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          1. The lyrics are powerful …
            .
            I see you in windows
            That open so wide
            There’s nothing beyond them
            And no one inside

            You kick off your sandals
            And shake out your hair
            The salt on your shoulders
            Like sparks in the air

            There’s silt on your ankles
            And sand on your feet
            The river too shallow
            The ocean too deep

            You smile at your suffering
            The sweetest reprieve
            Why did you leave us?
            Why did you leave?

            You kick off your sandals
            And shake out your hair
            It’s torn where you’re dancing
            It’s torn everywhere

            It’s torn on the right
            And it’s torn on the left
            It’s torn in the centre
            Which few can accept

            It’s torn where there’s beauty
            It’s torn where there’s death
            It’s torn where there’s mercy
            But torn somewhat less

            It’s torn in the highest
            From kingdom to crown
            The messages fly
            But the network is down

            Bruised at the shoulder
            And cut at the wrist
            The sea rushes home
            To its thimble of mist

            The opposites falter
            The spirals reverse
            And Eve must re-enter
            The sleep of her birth

            And up through the system
            The worlds are withdrawn
            From every dominion
            The mind stood upon

            And now that you told her
            And now that it’s done
            The name has no number
            Not even the one

            Come gather the pieces
            All scattered and lost
            The lie in what’s holy
            The light in what’s not

            The story’s been written
            The letter’s been sealed
            You gave me a lily
            But now it’s a field

            You kick off your sandals
            And shake out your hair
            It’s torn where you’re dancing
            It’s torn everywhere

            AnnaPopova 2021-09-10 16:09:44
            My feeling is that this song is about dying. There are lots of references to Christ and Christianity, saying your good byes to life, seeing things from outwordly perspective. It is unimaginably beautiful, like written by someone who lived through dying, who died before. Most of it cant be explained logically, just felt – what is the meaning of great poetry anyway. many of our human experiences can ve expressed only thorough the paradox – “The lie in what is holy, the light in what’s not”. It is torn, like in birth, like a mother’s body is torn for the baby to come through. Death as rebirth, death as birthing oneself – it is incredibly strong, both cerebral and emotional, almost hard to keep experiencing it…

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            1. I think your feeling is spot on, Ivor. I felt it in these lines particularly:
              It’s torn in the highest
              From kingdom to crown
              The messages fly
              But the network is down

              It speaks of the many unanswered prayers when loved ones are suffering, and perhaps dying.

              It is definitely a deep and profound song, and just like poetry, one you’ll want to keep going back to to uncover it’s meaning. Thank you for posting it, Ivor. <3

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