green
your downcast eyes, the color of absinthe switch of
your merciless, marching intelligence, the
humor, the passion lines
pulling on your cigarette, getting me aroused and nervous
without trying, you command all attention
wit is sharper than a sword
when you didn’t talk to me
it was like a blonde flower, turning her lights out
I’m speaking to you in a language, I outlawed
we only trust those like us
who smoked and drank and have to show on our tired faces
the weariness of living
catching in the darkness like a skinned rock, thrown out to sea
on Brighton beach
where we’ll always be young and beautiful
me chasing you in the cold sea
you disappearing into green waves
fahrenheit before the storm
you stay like migrating butterflies, only a short time
before going on with your pilgrimage
and those who want more of you
watch the skies with only memories
I would try to unpick
the moves we made around each other
attempting to gauge what was real and imaginary
if you read this; yes, it is about you
and if you wonder; yes, I do
and if you call for me; I will come
to the summit where people who are strangers and known
stand and expose themselves to
the terror and beauty of their desire
listen
we who have lived in this world a while
can hear beneath the arch and curl
if we really listen
those hidden things people do not tell
and I thought I saw
in the corners of your motion
something stir
an abacus counting sense and nonsense
on the high cheeks of a woman
who’s quit
doing what she’s told
waiting for you to read my mind
can you see me?
I’m standing waist-deep
waiting for you to read my mind
like you did once with the alacrity of a gymnast
in the throes of passion
braille
morse code
signs and wonders
photos overexposed
ringing phones in the night
knowing the destination in your fingers and finding
without map or lights switched on, blacking-out cries
to be found, oh god
to be found again
by you
thursday flirtation
I am drawn to the shy fruiting shape of her mouth
as we talk and artfully avoid
what is undisclosed in space existing
between strangers, then become friends
not yet more
will she understand? unbutton one permission
without need to drink liquor or gather foreign courage
from the same source we all go
unsure and burning up with tiptoeing fever
two cars going in separate directions
one moment I am holding a glass
of your words
believing myself loved
the next the house is being emptied
sold for next family to inhabit, my footsteps
a time I held onto
boxes of memories like a kite
if you let go of the string
they rise higher out of sight
I can pack the entirety of me
in one small bag and still have room for heartache
the radio host warns us of impending rain, another storm
we threw sharp glances at each other until there was no more
blood left inside to keep warm
stop lights blinking in humid downpour
… get out and run toward
something already buried and underground
I hear the gear shift, watch in rear mirror
the outline
of you
grow
gradually thinner
against
orange light
and the sound
of someone
crying out
remember?
lost my memory in a dish I left outside
the rain filled it up and soon thoughts
sodden and wrinkled
were illegible
soot and smoke gathered
like regretful children with dirty hands
smudging their best pictures
late summer rain drowned out
the sound of me calling
you would have heard but you had
long stopped listening
when the trees were still straight
not bent and crooked offering up their rotten roots
then you were a woman who loved someone else
I was a piece of paper
too wet to decipher
had you wanted to
and you did not
you did not
~~~
Daquin is an Editor, Writer, Psychotherapist, and Publisher. In addition to working as a therapist, she edits for five magazines and two publishing houses. Candice was first featured in 2022. Her piece, Phantasma, featured in 2022, was nominated for the Push Cart Prize. You can find her reblogs, features, and interviews HERE. This is her second feature of 2024.
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