Oh, Jess, please come here. I’m so, so sorry. I just realized my mistake. First, I should have known you wanted to change the speech. And second, according to the dictionary, now I know you weren’t referring to culture as what’s in a dirty petri dish but rather our society. I’m stupid. What can I say? What else did I get wrong? Seriously, I’m such a fool! I wish I owned a brain that didn’t process so screwy. Then you’d be proud to be my girlfriend rather than time and again be angry with me.

Forgive me, my love. Please?