Reblog – Bite by Megan O’Keeffe


You say things to me

that hold a bite.

But I think you need them

spoken aloud

to remind yourself

to not cross a line with me.

-Jan 2020

Originally published on Debatably Dateable 4/6/2020

Either to protect ourselves or our partner, how many of us have found ourselves in this position? I know I have been there. This one hit home for me as I saw myself at various times reacting harshly out of self-preservation. Luckily, it didn’t ultimately harm the relationship but rather gave insight and healing. How about you?

11 thoughts on “Reblog – Bite by Megan O’Keeffe

  1. Yes! I’ve been there. For me, after 3+ years of bi-weekly Brainspotting that I paused a bit over a year ago, I’ve tuned in to being aware when I get triggered, and it’s not the triggerer’s fault or responsibility. It’s that something they just said or did crossed a line into territory that mirrored some previous trauma of mine, and then that Part comes rushing forth to hijack — and say something I’d certainly be sorry for later.

    Now, Parts can advise internally, though they don’t have a driver’s license for my mouth. It’s tricky at times, and I 2nd the self-preservation aspect of it, as most times you’re taken by surprise or blind-sided. Fear radar didn’t pick it up, so anxiety kidnaps that fear and distorts it into being afraid. I see these times as conceptually to have the same structure as humor, humor or a good joke that surprises you at the end — except the surprise here is unwelcome in that you get startled, or rattled. Conceptually, laughter and anger (lines get crossed inside when someone crosses a line outside causing a temp short?) may structurally diagram out the same way, like they’re both trees. Though, one’s a Mesquite with poisonous thorns, the other a great Blue Spruce or Honey Locust.

    You summed it up more concisely with the simple, “Luckily, it didn’t ultimately harm the relationship but rather gave insight and healing.” Great comms, and learning from one another.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Susi. I appreciate the importance of this topic, you posting it, and how meaningful it is in enhancing, reinforcing, and strengthening a fluid fluency with one’s own self-empathy for healthy boundaries, and how much better interactions are when Psychological Projection and Projective Identity are no longer in the mix. It feels like it amends the Soul Garden’s soil.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, definitely. And, on the for others part. When we experience someone acting out, empathy can step up to, “I appreciate you feeling safe enough to foist that over on me, though right now, I am your mirror. Keep going. Let that shit out. It’s great you’re describing yourself so directly right now. Keep that. Keep going. To give them the space full-on without the fetter of commentary after that, unless of course they ask a question.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Upon further reflection, and to simplify. I feel that with the above experiential knowledge, even savvy, it helps us not get blind-sided by another if they vent or act out. We’re already aware to naturally take things so personally right off the bat, and then are more able to powerfully witness and whole body listen to them. (Doesn’t apply to manipulate people, or does) They may unconsciously KNOW they need to say these things to themselves, but the discomfort with them within them causes them to push the discomfort away and out onto another person?

        Liked by 1 person

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