Paradise Lost

1
Leman Shots

Storms rage destruction but will turn to calm, and then disappear. Following a weather event, the beings of nature will re-emerge, and continue as if never put on hold. Life keeps on going.

I find myself wishing for that pattern after a betrayal or a disappointment. If only let-downs were this easy. I know we can move on from emotional devastation but thinking it won’t afflict us again doesn’t seem to. Getting back to trust is difficult. It’s like trying to put on size ten pants when you are a size sixteen.

Trusting implies you are not suspicious. Doubt doesn’t even enter your vocabulary because there has been no reason for it to exist. Until – “enter devastating event”. The before was so good that the during was unbelievable but making the after so predictable.

When bad things happen, you don’t come away unscathed. The lingering pain and fear hang on. Millions of thoughts occupy scenarios played out over and over again. It’s an unrelenting torrent of destruction in your head and your heart. Created by another, but a continuing saga you perpetuate.

Having deep trust comes from someone earning it for an apparent reason. And losing it means a much harder return to normal. Actually, almost impossible.

All I wish for is Hurricane Personal Tragedy to be behind me.

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